What I Learned This Week

ORIGINAL EMAIL TO MYSELF ON OR NEAR
Sat, Aug 14, 2010 at 9:37 AM

I can take back my power with the words I speak. I can also relinquish
my power with the words I speak.
I'm thinking of Disturbs tours they used to put together "Music as a
Weapon" My words can also be weapons. "Words as Weapons", it's all in
what I say and how I say it.

I'm diving for myself. I am not a hopeless cause, a failure, a wreck.
I've had surface beliefs for to many years that have led me to believe
I was a lost cause, hopeless etc, but I AM NOT!
I'm trying to write this immediately after and yet I still feel like
I'm losing sight of something.
I lost track of my goal, which was to be flexible in my body. I also
wanted to be flexible in my mind, and I lost sight of both of those
things, as well as getting them tangled up together. My goal in being
flexible in my body was moving, not being in pain. I decided the
Treadmill was the only way to get that flexibility and cut when I
didn't get it. It was actually a manefestation of things much deeper,
if I can't do this small thing, how will I do these much bigger
things? It was however, also a surface thought, translated into a
severe tantrum, if I can't get it this way then i won't get it anyway,
so there's no hope!
Truth be told, I can dance. I can walk. I was writing I "could",
pushing things back. Now I've rephrased it as "I Can" meaning, I can
do it NOW! Or tomorrow, or the next day, but I CAN do it now. It's not
something I have to wait for. And now President Obama's "Yes We Can"
slogan is in my head! Lol. Hey, if it works for me, I'm using it!
I've also discovered I need to distinguish between my inner wisdom,
and the critic. The critic says I can't do it. The inner wisdom says:
"I can't do it this way, so how can I do it differently? I can't do it
now, so when can I do it?"
And now I'm back to the Treadmill. If we're moving in a few months, is
it worth it for me to get one now? How will I transport it to San
Antonio? If I intend to fly, and I do fly, how will my parents
transport it? So the critic says I cut for nothing. I say it happened
for a reason. The goal next time, is to learn what I need to learn
without going to such an extreme, to not fall back on old habits that
don't serve me anymore.







--
Machine Shop Flint MI Concert Venue = best damned concert venue in the woooorld!
Thursday 9/2/10: SEETHER will be there!
Saturday 9/11/10: NONPOINT will be there!
& last but certainly not least,
Friday 9/24/10: Ed K frontman for the band Live will be there!
Ahhhhhhhh!!!

Discovery Session Talk

ORIGINAL EMAIL TO MYSELF ON OR NEAR
Wed, Aug 4, 2010 at 9:00 AM

I came away feeling great, losing that heavyheart feeling to have
changed my motto from it's my fault to 'It's NOT my fault.'
I learned that in posting online, sharing my views/thoughts/opinions,
I am in fact, creating. So I am honoring that value after all.
Recognition is, a good thing, with a good connotation.
I am hungry for connection though this was a rare place for me to
acknowledge it honestly.
I remembered my comments about negative thoughts being worse then not
exercising. Worse, then pretty much anything I can do to myself
because they've become so insidious I don't recognize them when they
come into my head.
I am to ask clearly for what I want. Something that's new for me.
It is okay for me to ask for what I want.
I need to shatter the old thoughts that if I did it once & it didn't
work, I'll do it again & it won't work.

Homework:
Check the internet for local hospitals, animal rescues/shelters & the
like to volunteer in.
Continue to seek out & connect with others in similar situations to
find out what they've done to change their circumstances.
Continue to live in possibility, try to envision what possibility is
like & what it feels like to be there.
DON'T GET ATTACHED TO THE OUTCOMES OF WHAT I'M SEEKING OUT.
Ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask!