Happy Mother's Day

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON MY PINK POSSE BLOG ON OR NEAR
Fri, May 7, 2010 at 10:10 PM

Dear Mama,
So Mother's day is coming up Sunday. I just read a blog called Lessons
my Mother Taught Me. Well, I have a few you taught me.
You taught me: Never to tell you what I thought, because you already
new what I thought!
You taught me: That I'd never be good enough for you.
I still remember getting that report card in high school. All A's & I
was so excited!!!! So excited!!! I rushed to the office to have the
damn thing lamenated I was sooooo proud! I spent all day in class
after class dying to get home! I fidgeted my way through my bus ride &
when I got home, I rushed into the livingroom! It was spring, soft &
sumptuous outside, the birds singing, the sun shining & my body was
humming along to the vibrations of it! I didn't even take off my
shoes! I just ran to the livingroom & dropped to my knees in front of
you. You were on the green chair & I handed you the card.
You said: "Well, you've gotten all A's before."
I tried so hard not to cry in front of you! I tried so hard to be
strong, but I couldn't! Forget telling Daddy when he got home, forget
calling Grandma, I just wanted to die! & you did that to me! YOU made
me feel that way. I made you cry, but I don't think it was sincere on
your part. I still can't write or tell that story without bawling!
You taught me: That I was to blame for your divorce. "Well, you're
right! I'll never be good enough for you your sister or your father!"
You taught me: That I hated you even though I always tried to be as
much of a Mama's girl as I was a Daddy's girl.
You taught me: That I didn't know how I felt only you did, & you were
damn well going to tell me how I felt!
You taught me: Not to cry about being held down & having a mask put
over my face, because if I didn't tell you right after it happened
(when I was 9), it most certainly didn't matter 10 or 11 years later!
You taught me: Never to put out one of your cigarettes because you'd
fly into a rage & squeal tire out of a parking lot like a bad out of
hell.
You taught me: Never to inconvenience you.
& most importantly, you taught me: Never, ever, under any
circumstances to trust the opposite sex. You were raped at age 6 & so,
you said that you told me so I wouldn't be afraid to come to you, but
it had the opposite effect.
I love you, Mama, Happy Mother's day!