Good morning all!!,
So I actually started these Morning Pages back when I was a member of a website called the Pink Posse.
Just a website for all who Desired to to congregate and make friends.
www.ning.com/pinkposse
Anyway, I picked up a book from Julia Cameron called "The Artists Way", and in it she recommends Morning Pages as a way of decluttering your thoughts.
So I did it for two days and that was it! Lol.
This morning I woke up and thought: "Ahhhhh!! Today I can finish my Home Play for class #1! *I'm taking a class with my coach Kimberly on Releasing Your Inner Vixen*. Then: Shiiiiit!!! Today's Thursday!!! Today starts class #2 and I haven't even written my Inner Vixen's Manefesto or Her Declaration to the Universe!!!"
And that was just in the first few seconds I woke! Mind you, I was listening to a piece of meditation music from Om Harmonics, and this still happened!!
I've been doing sooo many things as of late I could write 10 blog posts, but this morning I'm aiming for the random thoughts! Lol.
Then I thought, I really need to fall back asleep, I've only gotten about 7 hours of sleep. Am I really tired though? I usually live on less sleep. But I HAVE to do my Home Play for class before Module 2 is released! *check clock, clock says 8:51*, I say forget it, already passed 8, Mod 2 HAS BEEN released! Ok. . . I'm getting up. . . so I do. Well, sort of. I roll over on my right side and lay there listening to Sadie. I swear, my CockerSpaniel has giant ears that are more like a bug's antennae!! She KNOWS when I'm awake, even if I bearly move or even when I don't move at all!! So I lay there listening to her walk around and think she'll have to go out when I get up. I then wonder what the weather will be like because I refuse to freeze my ovaries off taking her outside! Then I think she'll pee on the floor if you don't take her out. . . Ugh!! I want to start my morning off fabulously thank you! Needless to say I don't actually climb out of bed for another 5 minutes or so. When I do I see my Science News Magazine stacked 3 deep on my computer chair which reminds me I gave Dad $40 to get my new birth certificate made up with my NEW NAME on it!
Yes, that's something else I did, changed my name LEGALLY! The hearing was held on Monday May 7th at 1:30PM and Judge Patrick J McGraw legally dropped 'lisa' from my name!! So I am now MICHELLE MEDINA!!!!!
So at some point I need to send in the court sealed paper plus the $40 to the state so they can mail me back a new birth certificate!
And those are just the thoughts I was able to collect before I sat down to write! I briefly thought about being hungry, reading those Science News Mags, continuing to Tap even though the 2012 World Tapping Summit is over!!! CRY!!!! And then another thought that TODAY IS THE DAY!!! My sister is taking me to the library to check out NON-TRADITIONAL COLLEGES!!! Yes, yes I know. . . I really do have ALOT to catch up on here. . .
I shall start working on an Affirmation like: "I post on my blog every day with effortless ease!" or "Posting on my blog is a breeze!" or something like that! Lol.
So anyway, the point of Morning Pages, which can actually be written at night before one goes to bed if one likes, is to declutter your thought processes. You just do your best to collect all these random thoughts and by doing so it makes it easier to either function during the day, if you write them in the morning or maybe sleep at night if you write them before you go to bed.
I'm willing to bet that if you're like me and working on noticing and putting your awareness ON the thoughts that come into and out of your head, it will make that easier to.
We have so many random thoughts during the day, I can't remember the exact number, but suffice it to say it's ALOT, that we rarely catch and hold what we're actually thinking. By slowing down and thinking about it, we can catch negative thoughts and begin to squash them before they get to far! By the same token, we can also catch positive thoughts and put our focus on them if we so choose. Not to shabby, right?
Talk later!
Love,
Chelle
Listening to: "Bettterman" Pearl Jam!
--
What if the one thing that I missed,
Was everything I need to pass the test,
And if I fail what happens then,
Can I still count on you as a friend
"Live to Rise"--Christopher Cornell/Soundgarden, from The Avengers Soundtrack
Showing posts with label releasing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label releasing. Show all posts
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Friday, December 16, 2011
Letting Go
I may not update this blog daily, but when I do update they tend to be long. This will be no exception.
Last night my coach asked me what it would take for me to 'let go'. I said I haven't been able to talk about my feelings on certain things, my brother's passing for example. She asked if talking would help and I said point blank: 'I don't know.'
Truth is, I don't know. I may not take every piece of advice given me and I may not always appear to be listening and 'following' the formula', whatever that formula may be. However, I do listen and even when I don't do something, if it was good advice or a good suggestion I tend to remember it long after it was spoken.
Lately, I have been letting go of SOME THINGS. Old emails even those written to the loves of my life *they know who they are*. I have let go easily and felt rather light afterwards to be honest. I've deleted old recipes and sent the good ones to another email address I have speciffically for saving such things.
I hung up with my coach last night and blasted The Boom Box Sessions and other outtakes from 1991's epic "NEVERMIND"!!
Part of me was pissed, affronted! I throw away half of my popcorn that was cold and no longer tasted good anyway! No, I'd have never thrown away milk chocolate. . . that's punishable by death! But the popcorn no longer tasted good and I was so angry not AT her, but at the thought of 'letting go' and the fact that there's no formula to follow I felt like crawling in a hole and hibernating for the rest of the winter!
Fast forward to today. It wasn't a particularly out of the ordinary day. I bought some SEETHER Tees' from the SEETHER Shop and went grocery shopping. I came home and punished Sadie for eating yet another thing, this time a gift, a puzzle to be speciffic!! I put her in the cage because it's to cold to keep her chained outside and as I emptied my trash in the big can in the kitchen the words: "This hurts me more than it hurts you. . ." popped into my head.
It really did. I know she suffered in a puppymill. I know they bred her ruthlessly and kept her confined to a cage otherwise. So of course, I thought: "How could you!!???" My only other option was spanking and I. am. not. a fan of spanking! That's not to say that I've NEVER spanked her, but I do it sparingly. As in I've had her since the day after Valentine's Day of 2009 and probably spanked her twice, maybe three times in that span.
Later in the day I got on the phone to listen to a couple issues of Rolling Stone and one of the first articles I read was on Amy Winehouse. Speciffically, the putting together of her posthumous album that came out December 6th. I started getting misty but I figured it was 'just one of those things'. I'm a sensitive person to begin with so I carried on reading. The next article I came across was a Q&A session with Michael Stipe on the end of R.E.M.
And low and behold I start weeping! Weeping! Over R.E.M!! Now, don't get me wrong, I love me some "Losing My Religion" or "It's The End Of The World As We Know It" or "Man On The Moon" or "Bang and Blame" or "Drive" or, one that always really spoke to me/the isolation of my childhood: "The Wrong Child"
"I will try to sing a happy song
I'll try and make a happy game to play
Come play with me I whispered to my new found friend
Tell me what it's like to go outside
I've never been
Tell me what it's like to just go outside
I've never been
And I never will."
"The Wrong Child" as written by William Berry, Peter Buck, Mike Mills, Michael Stipe
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.
Thank Goddess for http://www.songmeanings.net/
!!
And now I'm really wondering: 'WTF???'
As I said their cool but they aren't my NIRVANA, though Michael def ranks up there with KURT! He just isn't typically 'the man' I'd be weeping over.
So how do all these incidents relate to letting go?
The end of R.E.M was finalized, official. There was a stamp placed on it. They've put out a final farewell album, their all still friends and life goes on.
Sadie's punishment ended. I let her out of the cage, took her out to go potty, brought her in and loved on her, fed her etc. She knows it's over. There was an ending.
Amy on the other hand left unfinished business. KURT left unfinished business.
Some of the things that have happened to me in my life have been left unfinished. My brother is dead and logically I KNOW he's dead. My HEAD, my BRAIN isn't disabled and uncomprehending. I KNOW he's gone. We held a Memorial Service and I eulogized him.
But there is no body and there was no body. We held a Memorial in Saginaw, he died in San Antonio and was cremated in San Antonio and his egg donor has some of his ashes. I have none.
Same situation with school in general. School SUCKED for me, whether it was attending school when I was a girl or going to the NFB center in LA. In the case of the center I went in feeling isolated and left feeling isolated.
The bigger picture here, is that in order for me to let go, I would have to stop being shunned and discriminated against. Meaning from here on out I would learn to do anything I didn't know how to do, IN OR AROUND MY HOME, where I feel comfortable. Where applicable of course. I couldn't learn to sky dive here at home! Or if I attended college I wouldn't, under any circumstances be told that my Notetaker was to noisy and I needed to 'leave the room' and take my test 'somewhere else' so the other students could have it quiet. Back in the day it was my Braille Writer that was to noisy and I'd be sent to the Science room where they kept all the chemicals for the lab to take my tests.
Also in an ideal world I would be given a PUBLIC apology and the schools *in chesaning* would not only apologize, but ADMIT guilt and neglect and start implementing school policies that would prevent other students from suffering what I did. Anyone who knows the whole story knows that being sent off to another room to take a test was the least of my problems though also damaging. The punching, kicking and spitting upon my person were in SOME ways much worse.
So, barring those things happening, WHAT ELSE would I need to 'let go'???
That's the $64,000,000 question and at this moment, I'm not sure I have the answer.
I know when I was listening to my coach talk last night what kept running through my head was a quote from the "Classic Albums: "NEVERMIND"" VH1 series.
"And I think what he found which is certainly true, I think of many successful people is that he became rich and famous and all the same things were still there. He was still from a divorced family, he still had difficult relationships with that family and he still struggled for his place in the world."--Unknown Person
So the next $64,000,000 question is am I going to end up like KURT COBAIN because I haven't found a way to let go of 'everything'? And when I say end up like, I could easily pose that question of anyone who hasn't let go of 'everything'. So I don't mean 'end up dead like' or anything similar.
I'm more inclined to believe that we let go of things as we age and as we figure out how, so I'm not 'doomed' however, there is a part of me that now feels threatened like: "If you won't release everything, this minute, then the Universe won't provide for you and your fate is sealed!"
NOT a good way to be thinking when I'm trying to get to a fabulous new year and putting it all on the line for said new year!
Last night my coach asked me what it would take for me to 'let go'. I said I haven't been able to talk about my feelings on certain things, my brother's passing for example. She asked if talking would help and I said point blank: 'I don't know.'
Truth is, I don't know. I may not take every piece of advice given me and I may not always appear to be listening and 'following' the formula', whatever that formula may be. However, I do listen and even when I don't do something, if it was good advice or a good suggestion I tend to remember it long after it was spoken.
Lately, I have been letting go of SOME THINGS. Old emails even those written to the loves of my life *they know who they are*. I have let go easily and felt rather light afterwards to be honest. I've deleted old recipes and sent the good ones to another email address I have speciffically for saving such things.
I hung up with my coach last night and blasted The Boom Box Sessions and other outtakes from 1991's epic "NEVERMIND"!!
Part of me was pissed, affronted! I throw away half of my popcorn that was cold and no longer tasted good anyway! No, I'd have never thrown away milk chocolate. . . that's punishable by death! But the popcorn no longer tasted good and I was so angry not AT her, but at the thought of 'letting go' and the fact that there's no formula to follow I felt like crawling in a hole and hibernating for the rest of the winter!
Fast forward to today. It wasn't a particularly out of the ordinary day. I bought some SEETHER Tees' from the SEETHER Shop and went grocery shopping. I came home and punished Sadie for eating yet another thing, this time a gift, a puzzle to be speciffic!! I put her in the cage because it's to cold to keep her chained outside and as I emptied my trash in the big can in the kitchen the words: "This hurts me more than it hurts you. . ." popped into my head.
It really did. I know she suffered in a puppymill. I know they bred her ruthlessly and kept her confined to a cage otherwise. So of course, I thought: "How could you!!???" My only other option was spanking and I. am. not. a fan of spanking! That's not to say that I've NEVER spanked her, but I do it sparingly. As in I've had her since the day after Valentine's Day of 2009 and probably spanked her twice, maybe three times in that span.
Later in the day I got on the phone to listen to a couple issues of Rolling Stone and one of the first articles I read was on Amy Winehouse. Speciffically, the putting together of her posthumous album that came out December 6th. I started getting misty but I figured it was 'just one of those things'. I'm a sensitive person to begin with so I carried on reading. The next article I came across was a Q&A session with Michael Stipe on the end of R.E.M.
And low and behold I start weeping! Weeping! Over R.E.M!! Now, don't get me wrong, I love me some "Losing My Religion" or "It's The End Of The World As We Know It" or "Man On The Moon" or "Bang and Blame" or "Drive" or, one that always really spoke to me/the isolation of my childhood: "The Wrong Child"
"I will try to sing a happy song
I'll try and make a happy game to play
Come play with me I whispered to my new found friend
Tell me what it's like to go outside
I've never been
Tell me what it's like to just go outside
I've never been
And I never will."
"The Wrong Child" as written by William Berry, Peter Buck, Mike Mills, Michael Stipe
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.
Thank Goddess for http://www.songmeanings.net/
!!
And now I'm really wondering: 'WTF???'
As I said their cool but they aren't my NIRVANA, though Michael def ranks up there with KURT! He just isn't typically 'the man' I'd be weeping over.
So how do all these incidents relate to letting go?
The end of R.E.M was finalized, official. There was a stamp placed on it. They've put out a final farewell album, their all still friends and life goes on.
Sadie's punishment ended. I let her out of the cage, took her out to go potty, brought her in and loved on her, fed her etc. She knows it's over. There was an ending.
Amy on the other hand left unfinished business. KURT left unfinished business.
Some of the things that have happened to me in my life have been left unfinished. My brother is dead and logically I KNOW he's dead. My HEAD, my BRAIN isn't disabled and uncomprehending. I KNOW he's gone. We held a Memorial Service and I eulogized him.
But there is no body and there was no body. We held a Memorial in Saginaw, he died in San Antonio and was cremated in San Antonio and his egg donor has some of his ashes. I have none.
Same situation with school in general. School SUCKED for me, whether it was attending school when I was a girl or going to the NFB center in LA. In the case of the center I went in feeling isolated and left feeling isolated.
The bigger picture here, is that in order for me to let go, I would have to stop being shunned and discriminated against. Meaning from here on out I would learn to do anything I didn't know how to do, IN OR AROUND MY HOME, where I feel comfortable. Where applicable of course. I couldn't learn to sky dive here at home! Or if I attended college I wouldn't, under any circumstances be told that my Notetaker was to noisy and I needed to 'leave the room' and take my test 'somewhere else' so the other students could have it quiet. Back in the day it was my Braille Writer that was to noisy and I'd be sent to the Science room where they kept all the chemicals for the lab to take my tests.
Also in an ideal world I would be given a PUBLIC apology and the schools *in chesaning* would not only apologize, but ADMIT guilt and neglect and start implementing school policies that would prevent other students from suffering what I did. Anyone who knows the whole story knows that being sent off to another room to take a test was the least of my problems though also damaging. The punching, kicking and spitting upon my person were in SOME ways much worse.
So, barring those things happening, WHAT ELSE would I need to 'let go'???
That's the $64,000,000 question and at this moment, I'm not sure I have the answer.
I know when I was listening to my coach talk last night what kept running through my head was a quote from the "Classic Albums: "NEVERMIND"" VH1 series.
"And I think what he found which is certainly true, I think of many successful people is that he became rich and famous and all the same things were still there. He was still from a divorced family, he still had difficult relationships with that family and he still struggled for his place in the world."--Unknown Person
So the next $64,000,000 question is am I going to end up like KURT COBAIN because I haven't found a way to let go of 'everything'? And when I say end up like, I could easily pose that question of anyone who hasn't let go of 'everything'. So I don't mean 'end up dead like' or anything similar.
I'm more inclined to believe that we let go of things as we age and as we figure out how, so I'm not 'doomed' however, there is a part of me that now feels threatened like: "If you won't release everything, this minute, then the Universe won't provide for you and your fate is sealed!"
NOT a good way to be thinking when I'm trying to get to a fabulous new year and putting it all on the line for said new year!
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