I had this brilliant idea, and really, I didn't have it, rather it was suggested to me repeatedly by one and another specialists in their various fields of expertise that I write out how I Desire my future to be. With 2012 being the last year I plan to endure life in the family house I grew up in, or rather, did the last part of my growing up in, I thought at the time that it sounded like a great idea! Of course, now it's December 29th and I've gotten exactly one day written up, January 1st. Beyond that, I have no idea how I Desire my year to go and writing out a DAY BY DAY 'list' of how I Desire it to go sounds completely boring and I've run out of time to 'get it done' before January 1st arrives anyway.
I confess to not completely abandoning the idea, however I'm also working towards recovery from a cold and having been under the weather my creativity isn't exactly flourishing. It's more like: "Hire someone to write it up for me and I'll sleep for another 6 weeks or so!"
Hm. . . Not exactly functioning, right? My thoughts exactly.
So I propose instead that I 1. Take my time and 2. write something totally outlandish!
I further propose that I'll only include details when I feel like it and skip them when I don't! You don't need to know how I ended up in bed with a frontman for a kick-ass rock band, all you need to know is who put what where when and how fantastic it felt!
That definitely frees up my schedule a bit now doesn't it! *enter the voice of sarcasm here*
Love,
Chelle
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Apocalypse 2012????
This week is Armageddon week on History II *cable channel 203 on my local Charter Channel lineup*.
I've been watching the Nostradamus Prophecies, and tonight their showing the 7 Signs of Apocalypse.
I watch all this not because I believe it, but because I can handle it and it doesn't scare the shit out of me.
Everything that has been discussed tonight has happened before. The threat of another ice age *everyone learns about the ice age in school*, asteroids hitting earth, meteors or commets or any other such catastrophe from the sky has happened before, along with ocean tides rising and volcanoes erupting. Wars, famines, plagues?? All already happened/happening. So the only difference here would be the 'bigness' if you will of the catastrophe. So volcanic eruptions covered 30% of the earth last time? This time they'll cover 80%.
Now that's just me creating numbers, but my point is this. I've also read alot of Sylvia Brown books. According to Sylvia the Mayans ran out of ink, which is why the calendar stops at December 21st 2012.
So what if she's right? What if Nostradamus is also right and while some of his prophecies have come to pass, what if other prophecies were warnings? I don't think it's to far fetched for me to ask this question, after all even the Bible talks of human beings having this thing we refer to as FREE WILL!!!! So what if Nostradamus and the people who wrote Revelations and Sylvia Brown and Edgar Casey are really saying this: "The year 2012 is a year of raising global consciousness. It's a year of change and we have a golden opportunity here. *Not to get all cliched on you but nonetheless. . .* We have a chance to change how we treat ourselves and each other. Now, it is up to you to read what we've written and watch the programs people have created and decide for yourselves which way you Desire the world to go. The world can either end in agony or end in Peace. How do you want it?"
I'm definitely not belittling the things that have happened to us all, there have been a great number of tragedies in the world. I do criticize my fellow human beings for burying their heads in the sand though and thinking that global warming is a crock and that we can go on raping the earth and Mother Nature and God aren't going to stop us eventually.
I don't dispute that the world will end one day either. What is it we're told from a very young age? All good things must come to an end. Ok, so they'll end and they do. But I believe that HOW they end is something we can impact and put our stamp on.
Generally speaking, I confess to not being the most optomistic person. I'm not the most pesimistic either. . . But it occurs to me that all these things appear to be meant to put the fear into us, unless we start trying to view them in a different light. I don't know about you, but I'd rather decide that I have a choice and I can affect change than decide we're doomed and lock myself in a basement somewhere staying high as a kite and waiting for the end.
Finally, if I'm wrong and the world does end 12/21/2012, there's still nothing to be afraid of. We'll move on. Now whether you believe in God, Allah, the afterlife or that we all turn into ash is no concern of mine.
Point is, we'll move on and you won't have time to be crying about your death because guess what!!! YOU'LL BE DEAD!!!
Just my two cents for what their worth.
Love,
Chelle
I've been watching the Nostradamus Prophecies, and tonight their showing the 7 Signs of Apocalypse.
I watch all this not because I believe it, but because I can handle it and it doesn't scare the shit out of me.
Everything that has been discussed tonight has happened before. The threat of another ice age *everyone learns about the ice age in school*, asteroids hitting earth, meteors or commets or any other such catastrophe from the sky has happened before, along with ocean tides rising and volcanoes erupting. Wars, famines, plagues?? All already happened/happening. So the only difference here would be the 'bigness' if you will of the catastrophe. So volcanic eruptions covered 30% of the earth last time? This time they'll cover 80%.
Now that's just me creating numbers, but my point is this. I've also read alot of Sylvia Brown books. According to Sylvia the Mayans ran out of ink, which is why the calendar stops at December 21st 2012.
So what if she's right? What if Nostradamus is also right and while some of his prophecies have come to pass, what if other prophecies were warnings? I don't think it's to far fetched for me to ask this question, after all even the Bible talks of human beings having this thing we refer to as FREE WILL!!!! So what if Nostradamus and the people who wrote Revelations and Sylvia Brown and Edgar Casey are really saying this: "The year 2012 is a year of raising global consciousness. It's a year of change and we have a golden opportunity here. *Not to get all cliched on you but nonetheless. . .* We have a chance to change how we treat ourselves and each other. Now, it is up to you to read what we've written and watch the programs people have created and decide for yourselves which way you Desire the world to go. The world can either end in agony or end in Peace. How do you want it?"
I'm definitely not belittling the things that have happened to us all, there have been a great number of tragedies in the world. I do criticize my fellow human beings for burying their heads in the sand though and thinking that global warming is a crock and that we can go on raping the earth and Mother Nature and God aren't going to stop us eventually.
I don't dispute that the world will end one day either. What is it we're told from a very young age? All good things must come to an end. Ok, so they'll end and they do. But I believe that HOW they end is something we can impact and put our stamp on.
Generally speaking, I confess to not being the most optomistic person. I'm not the most pesimistic either. . . But it occurs to me that all these things appear to be meant to put the fear into us, unless we start trying to view them in a different light. I don't know about you, but I'd rather decide that I have a choice and I can affect change than decide we're doomed and lock myself in a basement somewhere staying high as a kite and waiting for the end.
Finally, if I'm wrong and the world does end 12/21/2012, there's still nothing to be afraid of. We'll move on. Now whether you believe in God, Allah, the afterlife or that we all turn into ash is no concern of mine.
Point is, we'll move on and you won't have time to be crying about your death because guess what!!! YOU'LL BE DEAD!!!
Just my two cents for what their worth.
Love,
Chelle
Monday, December 26, 2011
More Contemplations of the Midnight Variety
Dear KURT:
Tis me again!! I know, your surprised, right? Lol.
It was a pretty calm Christmas all things considered. I think I actually don't mind being 'this kind of sick' on Christmas. Don't get me wrong, nobody wants to be sick! It isn't like their greatest Desire or anything, however, if one HAS TO BE SICK on Christmas, this is the way to go. Stuffy nose, coughing fits that make it impossible to laugh *without being triggered* and night sweats that make one think it's summer!!!, are definitely preferable to courting the toilet bowl with ones bum or face in my humble opinion!
I called my mother today, BECAUSE I DESIRED TO DO SO! Yes, most would agree, this is definitive evidence of my sickness considering we once got along about as well as oil and water get along. At any rate I called her today and I was 'so sick' in her opinion no criticisms came down for my not visiting. In fact, when I told her what B had told me she said: "It never should have come up in our conversation. It's just she was telling me about something else and. . ." A part of me thought: "Hm. . . The green eyed monster popped up again so you had to outdo a tale of someone else's whoa with one of your own. . . I get it!" But I let the thought go unrepeated. Why stir the pot? As evidence of either my illness or my Grandmother's trying to get into heaven syndrome *I haven't figured out which yet* she gave B homemade Banana Nut Bread to give me so B dropped it off around 6:30 or so. I was greatly appreciative, even called GMa to thank her! Had to leave it on her message machine though since I guess she was still at Aunt K's house.
It was one of those Christmases where you just let it ride and I think because of that it went really well.
Dad and R brought home a plate for me and it was actually fabulous!! Moist turkey, mashed potatoes, chocolate pudding with chocolate cookie pieces in it and a piece of chocolate cake!!!! Woohoo!!!! Can we say best feast ever??? I was so excited I forgot about the stuffing! Lol.
The morning went well to, the girls got everything they wanted and I had wrapped up my SEETHER shirts the night before so I unwrapped them this morning raised the box over my head and screamed "SEEEEEEEEEEEEEETHER SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIRTS!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!" Lol. Dad and R had given me $100 for Christmas so I bought my own Christmas present this year!!! The interesting thing is that I was okay with opening only stocking stuffers and the lotion the girls got me but according to R she and Dad felt bad that I had nothing to open. Funny how that works as an adult. Dad kept asking me if I had a boyfriend in my box. Lol! I said if I had had one it would have actually been E and S so there would have been two boyfriends! Lol. I've always adored you but since I can't bring you back to life. . . I'm kinda screwed there! Lol.
Aside from the Christmas festivities *and I must say here before moving on, I believe I'm getting used to being alone on Christmas*. I think that's a good thing since they say acceptance is the first step to any 'next steps' one might wish to take. . . So go me!!
But aside from that I was contemplating finding the contact info for the big news corporations. NBC, CBS and ABC. And of course MSNBC and CNN. So I was here in front of the computer looking up info, google sucks by the way!! Thinking I'll go back to the library and ask if they have that sort of info in a big book along with other corporate contact info, because Google doesn't have it all in one place and I don't feel like searching 10 websites, but anyway I was so tired I actually put my head down at my desk and rested for 5 minutes just getting up the energy to move to my bed for a nap! Thing is my sleep schedule is usually kinda funky, but with me being sick it's gotten way more outta whack. I got maybe 2 hours of sleep last night so I'd already been up like 2 or 3 hours by the time we opened presents. I went back to bed around 9 and got up at 1:30, then was exhausted like I'd been up for 5 days by 3:30-4 and slept until 6:08. Then I was up until the rents got home with the food and was feeling dead tired again. It was around 9:30 when they got home. So I ate and was fighting off bed till about 11. Wanted to give my food SOME TIME to digest. So I was in bed at 11 and woke up at 1:22 and got up at 2:32 and so here I am writing you now. I feel kind of tired just writing this, but not exhausted yet. I'm waiting for the exhaustion to set in. If I go to bed 'tired' it's not enough and I'll toss and turn. I could have stayed in bed earlier had I not tossed and turned! Lol. So as I said, pretty messed up!
One has nothing to do with the other accept that I was writing on my thoughts and I Desired to start trying to get a jump on the new year plan to get myself out of here, but became to tired to do so. honestly I'd ask Holl to look for me, but I need to be right with her when I ask otherwise she'll forget. Lol.
On the flipside, if my plan doesn't work I've decided January 14th 2013 is the end of it. Along those lines of thinking I'm going to buy the DVD of Unplugged and ask someone to watch it with me and describe the setup you've got going on. I like roses, not lilys, so I may use a mix of roses and lilys.
I've been thinking about writing my will out, but truth is I have nothing to terribly valuable. I mean I have CD'S, which to me are the most valuable thing in the world *next to my girls of course*, but I don't know who to will them to that would hold them in the same high esteem I do. I mean I even change cases when they get cracks in them. Not everyone does that. And there's the Girls, I'm not sure who to will them to either. I think if I were gone Dad would want them more all of a sudden, maybe view them as an extention of me, but I can't say that for sure and I DO NOT Desire them to go to a farm or a pound somewhere! Beyond that there's my clothes and DVD'S, my Christmas ornaments and miscelaneous stuff. Papers and stuff. They could burn those if they wanted, I don't care about them. There's my stereoes and my DVD player and TV. . . my bed. But even writing it down makes it look unimportant. It's all just stuff. Maybe I should just leave it as is and only write out notes to everyone. As for what they do with me, I don't much care. I once thought being buried was the end all be all, but they could cremate me. It's not a big deal. The body is just a shell. The spirit and soul are long gone from there so they could cremate me and I wouldn't care. So that's the other thing I was thinking about today. Only, truth be told, it wasn't as in depth as I just wrote it to you.
I figure whatever I do to myself Unplugged will be on in the background when I go. Maybe I'll put Finding Beauty SEETHER on the other stereo. And if there's a showing I want a couple songs to be played. One from you and one from SHAUN should do it. Not sure which ones though. "YOU KNOW YOUR RIGHT" and "FUCK ME LIKE YOU HATE ME" are the first two to pop up ironically. . . but I think something happier, more on the order of "LITHIUM" and "WALK AWAY FROM THE SUN" are in order. I need to figure out what the best thing to do is.
Like I said before, truth is I feel alot more free knowing 'this is it'! I feel relieved and unburdened and like I'm not staring down the barrel of 20 or 30 more years like this.
I was watching the Nostradamus Effect" and "The Lost Book" tonight and getting a feeling from that to. Like 'this is it!' really! THIS IS IT! This is THEE YEAR! This is drastic change! Whether or not anyone believes in prophecies really doesn't matter because you can feel it in the world, in the energy shifts around us! This is a turning point for us as human beings and I genuinely believe that. There will be huge sweeping changes for us! I don't think the world is ending, but I do think there will be a major shift in consciousness and I feel like I'm supposed to be here for that, like I'm supposed to play a role in that, therefore I WILL be provided with what I need to get up and out on my own and start a life of my own. It's weird to be considering death and life right next to each other. It's like the grafts my teacher used to make for me. She always had a line down the middle separating the two sides of the paper and that's how I feel my life is right now. One the lefthand side is life, on the righthand side is death and the two are paraleling each other. One step left and one step right. I'm willing to gamble as it were, because I know what I'm meant to do and am that confident that if things won't piece themselves together I'd have no feeling of regret going right instead of left.
Does that make sense to you? I can be ok because I KNOW where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do. So if it doesn't come to pass for me to do it in this year, time and place then I'm alright letting go because I will have put my best foot forward from the end of 2011 through to January 14th 2013.
So that's where all my thoughts were today. Jumbled as usual, right? I know you aren't surprised. You know me to well for that.
I thank you for sticking with me all these years. I always come back to you when I need something resolved with certainty or need clarity on something. There's something about writing while listening to Unplugged that always gets me. This is the closest I'll ever get to a trance like state I think! Lol.
Tons of love,
Chelle
Tis me again!! I know, your surprised, right? Lol.
It was a pretty calm Christmas all things considered. I think I actually don't mind being 'this kind of sick' on Christmas. Don't get me wrong, nobody wants to be sick! It isn't like their greatest Desire or anything, however, if one HAS TO BE SICK on Christmas, this is the way to go. Stuffy nose, coughing fits that make it impossible to laugh *without being triggered* and night sweats that make one think it's summer!!!, are definitely preferable to courting the toilet bowl with ones bum or face in my humble opinion!
I called my mother today, BECAUSE I DESIRED TO DO SO! Yes, most would agree, this is definitive evidence of my sickness considering we once got along about as well as oil and water get along. At any rate I called her today and I was 'so sick' in her opinion no criticisms came down for my not visiting. In fact, when I told her what B had told me she said: "It never should have come up in our conversation. It's just she was telling me about something else and. . ." A part of me thought: "Hm. . . The green eyed monster popped up again so you had to outdo a tale of someone else's whoa with one of your own. . . I get it!" But I let the thought go unrepeated. Why stir the pot? As evidence of either my illness or my Grandmother's trying to get into heaven syndrome *I haven't figured out which yet* she gave B homemade Banana Nut Bread to give me so B dropped it off around 6:30 or so. I was greatly appreciative, even called GMa to thank her! Had to leave it on her message machine though since I guess she was still at Aunt K's house.
It was one of those Christmases where you just let it ride and I think because of that it went really well.
Dad and R brought home a plate for me and it was actually fabulous!! Moist turkey, mashed potatoes, chocolate pudding with chocolate cookie pieces in it and a piece of chocolate cake!!!! Woohoo!!!! Can we say best feast ever??? I was so excited I forgot about the stuffing! Lol.
The morning went well to, the girls got everything they wanted and I had wrapped up my SEETHER shirts the night before so I unwrapped them this morning raised the box over my head and screamed "SEEEEEEEEEEEEEETHER SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIRTS!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!" Lol. Dad and R had given me $100 for Christmas so I bought my own Christmas present this year!!! The interesting thing is that I was okay with opening only stocking stuffers and the lotion the girls got me but according to R she and Dad felt bad that I had nothing to open. Funny how that works as an adult. Dad kept asking me if I had a boyfriend in my box. Lol! I said if I had had one it would have actually been E and S so there would have been two boyfriends! Lol. I've always adored you but since I can't bring you back to life. . . I'm kinda screwed there! Lol.
Aside from the Christmas festivities *and I must say here before moving on, I believe I'm getting used to being alone on Christmas*. I think that's a good thing since they say acceptance is the first step to any 'next steps' one might wish to take. . . So go me!!
But aside from that I was contemplating finding the contact info for the big news corporations. NBC, CBS and ABC. And of course MSNBC and CNN. So I was here in front of the computer looking up info, google sucks by the way!! Thinking I'll go back to the library and ask if they have that sort of info in a big book along with other corporate contact info, because Google doesn't have it all in one place and I don't feel like searching 10 websites, but anyway I was so tired I actually put my head down at my desk and rested for 5 minutes just getting up the energy to move to my bed for a nap! Thing is my sleep schedule is usually kinda funky, but with me being sick it's gotten way more outta whack. I got maybe 2 hours of sleep last night so I'd already been up like 2 or 3 hours by the time we opened presents. I went back to bed around 9 and got up at 1:30, then was exhausted like I'd been up for 5 days by 3:30-4 and slept until 6:08. Then I was up until the rents got home with the food and was feeling dead tired again. It was around 9:30 when they got home. So I ate and was fighting off bed till about 11. Wanted to give my food SOME TIME to digest. So I was in bed at 11 and woke up at 1:22 and got up at 2:32 and so here I am writing you now. I feel kind of tired just writing this, but not exhausted yet. I'm waiting for the exhaustion to set in. If I go to bed 'tired' it's not enough and I'll toss and turn. I could have stayed in bed earlier had I not tossed and turned! Lol. So as I said, pretty messed up!
One has nothing to do with the other accept that I was writing on my thoughts and I Desired to start trying to get a jump on the new year plan to get myself out of here, but became to tired to do so. honestly I'd ask Holl to look for me, but I need to be right with her when I ask otherwise she'll forget. Lol.
On the flipside, if my plan doesn't work I've decided January 14th 2013 is the end of it. Along those lines of thinking I'm going to buy the DVD of Unplugged and ask someone to watch it with me and describe the setup you've got going on. I like roses, not lilys, so I may use a mix of roses and lilys.
I've been thinking about writing my will out, but truth is I have nothing to terribly valuable. I mean I have CD'S, which to me are the most valuable thing in the world *next to my girls of course*, but I don't know who to will them to that would hold them in the same high esteem I do. I mean I even change cases when they get cracks in them. Not everyone does that. And there's the Girls, I'm not sure who to will them to either. I think if I were gone Dad would want them more all of a sudden, maybe view them as an extention of me, but I can't say that for sure and I DO NOT Desire them to go to a farm or a pound somewhere! Beyond that there's my clothes and DVD'S, my Christmas ornaments and miscelaneous stuff. Papers and stuff. They could burn those if they wanted, I don't care about them. There's my stereoes and my DVD player and TV. . . my bed. But even writing it down makes it look unimportant. It's all just stuff. Maybe I should just leave it as is and only write out notes to everyone. As for what they do with me, I don't much care. I once thought being buried was the end all be all, but they could cremate me. It's not a big deal. The body is just a shell. The spirit and soul are long gone from there so they could cremate me and I wouldn't care. So that's the other thing I was thinking about today. Only, truth be told, it wasn't as in depth as I just wrote it to you.
I figure whatever I do to myself Unplugged will be on in the background when I go. Maybe I'll put Finding Beauty SEETHER on the other stereo. And if there's a showing I want a couple songs to be played. One from you and one from SHAUN should do it. Not sure which ones though. "YOU KNOW YOUR RIGHT" and "FUCK ME LIKE YOU HATE ME" are the first two to pop up ironically. . . but I think something happier, more on the order of "LITHIUM" and "WALK AWAY FROM THE SUN" are in order. I need to figure out what the best thing to do is.
Like I said before, truth is I feel alot more free knowing 'this is it'! I feel relieved and unburdened and like I'm not staring down the barrel of 20 or 30 more years like this.
I was watching the Nostradamus Effect" and "The Lost Book" tonight and getting a feeling from that to. Like 'this is it!' really! THIS IS IT! This is THEE YEAR! This is drastic change! Whether or not anyone believes in prophecies really doesn't matter because you can feel it in the world, in the energy shifts around us! This is a turning point for us as human beings and I genuinely believe that. There will be huge sweeping changes for us! I don't think the world is ending, but I do think there will be a major shift in consciousness and I feel like I'm supposed to be here for that, like I'm supposed to play a role in that, therefore I WILL be provided with what I need to get up and out on my own and start a life of my own. It's weird to be considering death and life right next to each other. It's like the grafts my teacher used to make for me. She always had a line down the middle separating the two sides of the paper and that's how I feel my life is right now. One the lefthand side is life, on the righthand side is death and the two are paraleling each other. One step left and one step right. I'm willing to gamble as it were, because I know what I'm meant to do and am that confident that if things won't piece themselves together I'd have no feeling of regret going right instead of left.
Does that make sense to you? I can be ok because I KNOW where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do. So if it doesn't come to pass for me to do it in this year, time and place then I'm alright letting go because I will have put my best foot forward from the end of 2011 through to January 14th 2013.
So that's where all my thoughts were today. Jumbled as usual, right? I know you aren't surprised. You know me to well for that.
I thank you for sticking with me all these years. I always come back to you when I need something resolved with certainty or need clarity on something. There's something about writing while listening to Unplugged that always gets me. This is the closest I'll ever get to a trance like state I think! Lol.
Tons of love,
Chelle
Saturday, December 24, 2011
`Morning Pages, Dearest KURT
Dearest KURT:
I have to say, this one isn't speciffic to you, I could have written SHAUN or whoever. Alternately, I could have just as easily titled this Midnight Pages instead of Morning Pages. . . Lol.
Either way I was thinking and it's 4AM and I have a feeling I'll never get to sleep if I don't get this random junk heap off my chest.
Funny, it's nothing speciffic. Here's what I mean.
They've played "CLASSIC ALBUMS: NIRVANA "NEVERMIND"" FIVE, yes, I said 5 times this week on VH1 Classic! Their calling it Rock the Halls week. Hahahaha get it? Rock the Halls VS. Deck the Halls? Lol. So I've watched it every time, yes, even when it aired at ungodly hours like 3AM!!!! I still watched!!! And when Butch was talking about "IN BLOOM" and how you guys put it altogether, at the very end where you sing: "Mmmmm mmmmm mmmmm. . ." I swear I heard garbled sounds underneath your voice.Suspicion tells me it was you communicating again. The first time that happened was when I was still in school and going through such a rough time I was contemplating suicide. I had that dream you were holding me in your lap and talking to me. I woke up thrilled and yet frustrated because I couldn't remember exactly what you said! Now that I've made my 'plan' for 2013 if my life doesn't change I wonder if you're trying to tell me to hang in there again. I wouldn't be surprised, but I had to watch every time to be absolutely sure I was hearing what I 'thought' I was hearing because I swear I've watched the show a billion times before now and never heard that!!!
So yes, that thought was directly related to you, but then I was thinking about my mother and that isn't directly related to you, hence why I started out by saying I could have written to anybody.
I really feel ok about my mother's death. Thing is I've been mourning her, the real her for so long that finding out that the organs of this woman AKA my mother, but who doesn't act like my mother, are shutting down doesn't feel the way most people might think it would.
I mean I'll probably always miss the mother I used to have, the one who would sing to me and bake cookies with me and the like to one degree or another, but this one, the one whose dying? I can't honestly say I miss her. Does that make sense? I know some people say it does, some say it doesn't.
Like I wrote you in October though, I think you know something about this *death* I mean, that I don't. I think I'm getting better at handling it though, which Dad's always pressuring me to do. So that has to be a good thing.
On another note entirely I've been trying to figure out how to make a huge splash in 2012!! People have helped me take a vacation to Miami and one to San Antonio so I could check out housing and transportation, but I've been trying to figure out what the right trigger/button is to push to get help in moving out and starting a life of my own. I can bring the violins but I seem to lose the sustainability factor. I can bring the pain but I have an inability to 'keep the pain' going or something. Go figure!!!
I've considered joining donatetome.com and have already begun to change this current blog of mine into a launching pad. I've thought about getting a hold of big news corps like NBC, CBS and ABC, but then I'm back to the violins and how do I bring them to their knees??
It is my Desire to be the FEMALE version of you one day, so is that selling out? Going to big news outlets I mean. I don't feel bad about it, so I'm guessing I'm on the right track. I feel like I'm doing what I have to and there's no shame in it! I also know I'm overthinking, focussing way to hard on the HOW as opposed to just doing it. There's planning and then there's OVER planning and let me tell you, I do a fabulous job of overplanning sometimes!! Overthinking, overanalyzing, their like my middle names or something!!! Seriously! What's up with that???? I mean WTF???
And then I was thinking about how I'm feeling. What I mean is even with all this chaos and this bloody cold of mine I feel pretty good. I'm definitely sleeping more during the early day then at night, but I'm still getting in family time and I feel pretty good about everything! Ever since I decided that I wasn't going to let this life or lack thereof drag on for the next 20 years I've felt Guuuuuurreeeeeeat!! Like Tony the Tiger Great!! I feel optomistic and like it's summer all the time! Mind you it's like 10 degrees outside and we're getting the occasional dusting of the white stuff on the ground here!! Lolz!! But I feel like that Fresh Prince song "Summer summer summertime! It's summertime! Let's just sit back and unwind!" I'm even getting excited about Christmas and I haven't been this excited about that since I found out Santa wasn't real!! Er. . . according to some. Dad swears up and down he is, but that's another story entirely!! Lol!
And there was the time I got tickets to see ELI just before Christmas. . . so that was a kick-ass Christmas!! But this year I'm actually excited about Christmas itself, the giving of a present to be very speciffic!!! I'm a genius gift wrapper and I can't wait for Dad to open his!!! Man I rock!!!! So all in all, I'd say it's a definite summer mood for me! I Brag I've even been able to cherish old memories I have of being 'alone' to all the awesome music that came out in the early 90's and I can handle that without bawling like a baby!!! I think I'm on the right track here!!
I Brag I even got all my Birthday Gratitudes done before my Birthday!!!! I did them all from 1986 to present and I knocked it out of the park!! Usually I drag my feet on such projects and don't get done at all, or if I do it's MONTHS after I had planned to!!! Did I happen to mention I rock???
I gave KittyKitty two of her 5 meals she's getting this year, cuz I never gave her her meals last year, nor did I remember to give Holl's Kitty girls their meals, so KittyKitty's getting both sets this year. Lucky Duck! Though she's a Cat, lucky Cat just doesn't have the same ring to it. Lol.
My thoughts have just been cartwheeling lately and I feel like I could write you for hours and hours and yet write very little. . . or "SAY" very little. Either way it'll be 4:30 in one minute and I need SOME sleep so I can function later today considering it's Christmas Eve and Rebecca will need all kinds of help.
Much love to you, Mark and everyone else and do me a favor PLEASE??? Look out for SHAUN. . . I swear he's headed down a path of disaster and he's been cropping up in my thoughts alot lately.
Love,
Chelle
I have to say, this one isn't speciffic to you, I could have written SHAUN or whoever. Alternately, I could have just as easily titled this Midnight Pages instead of Morning Pages. . . Lol.
Either way I was thinking and it's 4AM and I have a feeling I'll never get to sleep if I don't get this random junk heap off my chest.
Funny, it's nothing speciffic. Here's what I mean.
They've played "CLASSIC ALBUMS: NIRVANA "NEVERMIND"" FIVE, yes, I said 5 times this week on VH1 Classic! Their calling it Rock the Halls week. Hahahaha get it? Rock the Halls VS. Deck the Halls? Lol. So I've watched it every time, yes, even when it aired at ungodly hours like 3AM!!!! I still watched!!! And when Butch was talking about "IN BLOOM" and how you guys put it altogether, at the very end where you sing: "Mmmmm mmmmm mmmmm. . ." I swear I heard garbled sounds underneath your voice.Suspicion tells me it was you communicating again. The first time that happened was when I was still in school and going through such a rough time I was contemplating suicide. I had that dream you were holding me in your lap and talking to me. I woke up thrilled and yet frustrated because I couldn't remember exactly what you said! Now that I've made my 'plan' for 2013 if my life doesn't change I wonder if you're trying to tell me to hang in there again. I wouldn't be surprised, but I had to watch every time to be absolutely sure I was hearing what I 'thought' I was hearing because I swear I've watched the show a billion times before now and never heard that!!!
So yes, that thought was directly related to you, but then I was thinking about my mother and that isn't directly related to you, hence why I started out by saying I could have written to anybody.
I really feel ok about my mother's death. Thing is I've been mourning her, the real her for so long that finding out that the organs of this woman AKA my mother, but who doesn't act like my mother, are shutting down doesn't feel the way most people might think it would.
I mean I'll probably always miss the mother I used to have, the one who would sing to me and bake cookies with me and the like to one degree or another, but this one, the one whose dying? I can't honestly say I miss her. Does that make sense? I know some people say it does, some say it doesn't.
Like I wrote you in October though, I think you know something about this *death* I mean, that I don't. I think I'm getting better at handling it though, which Dad's always pressuring me to do. So that has to be a good thing.
On another note entirely I've been trying to figure out how to make a huge splash in 2012!! People have helped me take a vacation to Miami and one to San Antonio so I could check out housing and transportation, but I've been trying to figure out what the right trigger/button is to push to get help in moving out and starting a life of my own. I can bring the violins but I seem to lose the sustainability factor. I can bring the pain but I have an inability to 'keep the pain' going or something. Go figure!!!
I've considered joining donatetome.com and have already begun to change this current blog of mine into a launching pad. I've thought about getting a hold of big news corps like NBC, CBS and ABC, but then I'm back to the violins and how do I bring them to their knees??
It is my Desire to be the FEMALE version of you one day, so is that selling out? Going to big news outlets I mean. I don't feel bad about it, so I'm guessing I'm on the right track. I feel like I'm doing what I have to and there's no shame in it! I also know I'm overthinking, focussing way to hard on the HOW as opposed to just doing it. There's planning and then there's OVER planning and let me tell you, I do a fabulous job of overplanning sometimes!! Overthinking, overanalyzing, their like my middle names or something!!! Seriously! What's up with that???? I mean WTF???
And then I was thinking about how I'm feeling. What I mean is even with all this chaos and this bloody cold of mine I feel pretty good. I'm definitely sleeping more during the early day then at night, but I'm still getting in family time and I feel pretty good about everything! Ever since I decided that I wasn't going to let this life or lack thereof drag on for the next 20 years I've felt Guuuuuurreeeeeeat!! Like Tony the Tiger Great!! I feel optomistic and like it's summer all the time! Mind you it's like 10 degrees outside and we're getting the occasional dusting of the white stuff on the ground here!! Lolz!! But I feel like that Fresh Prince song "Summer summer summertime! It's summertime! Let's just sit back and unwind!" I'm even getting excited about Christmas and I haven't been this excited about that since I found out Santa wasn't real!! Er. . . according to some. Dad swears up and down he is, but that's another story entirely!! Lol!
And there was the time I got tickets to see ELI just before Christmas. . . so that was a kick-ass Christmas!! But this year I'm actually excited about Christmas itself, the giving of a present to be very speciffic!!! I'm a genius gift wrapper and I can't wait for Dad to open his!!! Man I rock!!!! So all in all, I'd say it's a definite summer mood for me! I Brag I've even been able to cherish old memories I have of being 'alone' to all the awesome music that came out in the early 90's and I can handle that without bawling like a baby!!! I think I'm on the right track here!!
I Brag I even got all my Birthday Gratitudes done before my Birthday!!!! I did them all from 1986 to present and I knocked it out of the park!! Usually I drag my feet on such projects and don't get done at all, or if I do it's MONTHS after I had planned to!!! Did I happen to mention I rock???
I gave KittyKitty two of her 5 meals she's getting this year, cuz I never gave her her meals last year, nor did I remember to give Holl's Kitty girls their meals, so KittyKitty's getting both sets this year. Lucky Duck! Though she's a Cat, lucky Cat just doesn't have the same ring to it. Lol.
My thoughts have just been cartwheeling lately and I feel like I could write you for hours and hours and yet write very little. . . or "SAY" very little. Either way it'll be 4:30 in one minute and I need SOME sleep so I can function later today considering it's Christmas Eve and Rebecca will need all kinds of help.
Much love to you, Mark and everyone else and do me a favor PLEASE??? Look out for SHAUN. . . I swear he's headed down a path of disaster and he's been cropping up in my thoughts alot lately.
Love,
Chelle
Friday, December 16, 2011
Letting Go
I may not update this blog daily, but when I do update they tend to be long. This will be no exception.
Last night my coach asked me what it would take for me to 'let go'. I said I haven't been able to talk about my feelings on certain things, my brother's passing for example. She asked if talking would help and I said point blank: 'I don't know.'
Truth is, I don't know. I may not take every piece of advice given me and I may not always appear to be listening and 'following' the formula', whatever that formula may be. However, I do listen and even when I don't do something, if it was good advice or a good suggestion I tend to remember it long after it was spoken.
Lately, I have been letting go of SOME THINGS. Old emails even those written to the loves of my life *they know who they are*. I have let go easily and felt rather light afterwards to be honest. I've deleted old recipes and sent the good ones to another email address I have speciffically for saving such things.
I hung up with my coach last night and blasted The Boom Box Sessions and other outtakes from 1991's epic "NEVERMIND"!!
Part of me was pissed, affronted! I throw away half of my popcorn that was cold and no longer tasted good anyway! No, I'd have never thrown away milk chocolate. . . that's punishable by death! But the popcorn no longer tasted good and I was so angry not AT her, but at the thought of 'letting go' and the fact that there's no formula to follow I felt like crawling in a hole and hibernating for the rest of the winter!
Fast forward to today. It wasn't a particularly out of the ordinary day. I bought some SEETHER Tees' from the SEETHER Shop and went grocery shopping. I came home and punished Sadie for eating yet another thing, this time a gift, a puzzle to be speciffic!! I put her in the cage because it's to cold to keep her chained outside and as I emptied my trash in the big can in the kitchen the words: "This hurts me more than it hurts you. . ." popped into my head.
It really did. I know she suffered in a puppymill. I know they bred her ruthlessly and kept her confined to a cage otherwise. So of course, I thought: "How could you!!???" My only other option was spanking and I. am. not. a fan of spanking! That's not to say that I've NEVER spanked her, but I do it sparingly. As in I've had her since the day after Valentine's Day of 2009 and probably spanked her twice, maybe three times in that span.
Later in the day I got on the phone to listen to a couple issues of Rolling Stone and one of the first articles I read was on Amy Winehouse. Speciffically, the putting together of her posthumous album that came out December 6th. I started getting misty but I figured it was 'just one of those things'. I'm a sensitive person to begin with so I carried on reading. The next article I came across was a Q&A session with Michael Stipe on the end of R.E.M.
And low and behold I start weeping! Weeping! Over R.E.M!! Now, don't get me wrong, I love me some "Losing My Religion" or "It's The End Of The World As We Know It" or "Man On The Moon" or "Bang and Blame" or "Drive" or, one that always really spoke to me/the isolation of my childhood: "The Wrong Child"
"I will try to sing a happy song
I'll try and make a happy game to play
Come play with me I whispered to my new found friend
Tell me what it's like to go outside
I've never been
Tell me what it's like to just go outside
I've never been
And I never will."
"The Wrong Child" as written by William Berry, Peter Buck, Mike Mills, Michael Stipe
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.
Thank Goddess for http://www.songmeanings.net/
!!
And now I'm really wondering: 'WTF???'
As I said their cool but they aren't my NIRVANA, though Michael def ranks up there with KURT! He just isn't typically 'the man' I'd be weeping over.
So how do all these incidents relate to letting go?
The end of R.E.M was finalized, official. There was a stamp placed on it. They've put out a final farewell album, their all still friends and life goes on.
Sadie's punishment ended. I let her out of the cage, took her out to go potty, brought her in and loved on her, fed her etc. She knows it's over. There was an ending.
Amy on the other hand left unfinished business. KURT left unfinished business.
Some of the things that have happened to me in my life have been left unfinished. My brother is dead and logically I KNOW he's dead. My HEAD, my BRAIN isn't disabled and uncomprehending. I KNOW he's gone. We held a Memorial Service and I eulogized him.
But there is no body and there was no body. We held a Memorial in Saginaw, he died in San Antonio and was cremated in San Antonio and his egg donor has some of his ashes. I have none.
Same situation with school in general. School SUCKED for me, whether it was attending school when I was a girl or going to the NFB center in LA. In the case of the center I went in feeling isolated and left feeling isolated.
The bigger picture here, is that in order for me to let go, I would have to stop being shunned and discriminated against. Meaning from here on out I would learn to do anything I didn't know how to do, IN OR AROUND MY HOME, where I feel comfortable. Where applicable of course. I couldn't learn to sky dive here at home! Or if I attended college I wouldn't, under any circumstances be told that my Notetaker was to noisy and I needed to 'leave the room' and take my test 'somewhere else' so the other students could have it quiet. Back in the day it was my Braille Writer that was to noisy and I'd be sent to the Science room where they kept all the chemicals for the lab to take my tests.
Also in an ideal world I would be given a PUBLIC apology and the schools *in chesaning* would not only apologize, but ADMIT guilt and neglect and start implementing school policies that would prevent other students from suffering what I did. Anyone who knows the whole story knows that being sent off to another room to take a test was the least of my problems though also damaging. The punching, kicking and spitting upon my person were in SOME ways much worse.
So, barring those things happening, WHAT ELSE would I need to 'let go'???
That's the $64,000,000 question and at this moment, I'm not sure I have the answer.
I know when I was listening to my coach talk last night what kept running through my head was a quote from the "Classic Albums: "NEVERMIND"" VH1 series.
"And I think what he found which is certainly true, I think of many successful people is that he became rich and famous and all the same things were still there. He was still from a divorced family, he still had difficult relationships with that family and he still struggled for his place in the world."--Unknown Person
So the next $64,000,000 question is am I going to end up like KURT COBAIN because I haven't found a way to let go of 'everything'? And when I say end up like, I could easily pose that question of anyone who hasn't let go of 'everything'. So I don't mean 'end up dead like' or anything similar.
I'm more inclined to believe that we let go of things as we age and as we figure out how, so I'm not 'doomed' however, there is a part of me that now feels threatened like: "If you won't release everything, this minute, then the Universe won't provide for you and your fate is sealed!"
NOT a good way to be thinking when I'm trying to get to a fabulous new year and putting it all on the line for said new year!
Last night my coach asked me what it would take for me to 'let go'. I said I haven't been able to talk about my feelings on certain things, my brother's passing for example. She asked if talking would help and I said point blank: 'I don't know.'
Truth is, I don't know. I may not take every piece of advice given me and I may not always appear to be listening and 'following' the formula', whatever that formula may be. However, I do listen and even when I don't do something, if it was good advice or a good suggestion I tend to remember it long after it was spoken.
Lately, I have been letting go of SOME THINGS. Old emails even those written to the loves of my life *they know who they are*. I have let go easily and felt rather light afterwards to be honest. I've deleted old recipes and sent the good ones to another email address I have speciffically for saving such things.
I hung up with my coach last night and blasted The Boom Box Sessions and other outtakes from 1991's epic "NEVERMIND"!!
Part of me was pissed, affronted! I throw away half of my popcorn that was cold and no longer tasted good anyway! No, I'd have never thrown away milk chocolate. . . that's punishable by death! But the popcorn no longer tasted good and I was so angry not AT her, but at the thought of 'letting go' and the fact that there's no formula to follow I felt like crawling in a hole and hibernating for the rest of the winter!
Fast forward to today. It wasn't a particularly out of the ordinary day. I bought some SEETHER Tees' from the SEETHER Shop and went grocery shopping. I came home and punished Sadie for eating yet another thing, this time a gift, a puzzle to be speciffic!! I put her in the cage because it's to cold to keep her chained outside and as I emptied my trash in the big can in the kitchen the words: "This hurts me more than it hurts you. . ." popped into my head.
It really did. I know she suffered in a puppymill. I know they bred her ruthlessly and kept her confined to a cage otherwise. So of course, I thought: "How could you!!???" My only other option was spanking and I. am. not. a fan of spanking! That's not to say that I've NEVER spanked her, but I do it sparingly. As in I've had her since the day after Valentine's Day of 2009 and probably spanked her twice, maybe three times in that span.
Later in the day I got on the phone to listen to a couple issues of Rolling Stone and one of the first articles I read was on Amy Winehouse. Speciffically, the putting together of her posthumous album that came out December 6th. I started getting misty but I figured it was 'just one of those things'. I'm a sensitive person to begin with so I carried on reading. The next article I came across was a Q&A session with Michael Stipe on the end of R.E.M.
And low and behold I start weeping! Weeping! Over R.E.M!! Now, don't get me wrong, I love me some "Losing My Religion" or "It's The End Of The World As We Know It" or "Man On The Moon" or "Bang and Blame" or "Drive" or, one that always really spoke to me/the isolation of my childhood: "The Wrong Child"
"I will try to sing a happy song
I'll try and make a happy game to play
Come play with me I whispered to my new found friend
Tell me what it's like to go outside
I've never been
Tell me what it's like to just go outside
I've never been
And I never will."
"The Wrong Child" as written by William Berry, Peter Buck, Mike Mills, Michael Stipe
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.
Thank Goddess for http://www.songmeanings.net/
!!
And now I'm really wondering: 'WTF???'
As I said their cool but they aren't my NIRVANA, though Michael def ranks up there with KURT! He just isn't typically 'the man' I'd be weeping over.
So how do all these incidents relate to letting go?
The end of R.E.M was finalized, official. There was a stamp placed on it. They've put out a final farewell album, their all still friends and life goes on.
Sadie's punishment ended. I let her out of the cage, took her out to go potty, brought her in and loved on her, fed her etc. She knows it's over. There was an ending.
Amy on the other hand left unfinished business. KURT left unfinished business.
Some of the things that have happened to me in my life have been left unfinished. My brother is dead and logically I KNOW he's dead. My HEAD, my BRAIN isn't disabled and uncomprehending. I KNOW he's gone. We held a Memorial Service and I eulogized him.
But there is no body and there was no body. We held a Memorial in Saginaw, he died in San Antonio and was cremated in San Antonio and his egg donor has some of his ashes. I have none.
Same situation with school in general. School SUCKED for me, whether it was attending school when I was a girl or going to the NFB center in LA. In the case of the center I went in feeling isolated and left feeling isolated.
The bigger picture here, is that in order for me to let go, I would have to stop being shunned and discriminated against. Meaning from here on out I would learn to do anything I didn't know how to do, IN OR AROUND MY HOME, where I feel comfortable. Where applicable of course. I couldn't learn to sky dive here at home! Or if I attended college I wouldn't, under any circumstances be told that my Notetaker was to noisy and I needed to 'leave the room' and take my test 'somewhere else' so the other students could have it quiet. Back in the day it was my Braille Writer that was to noisy and I'd be sent to the Science room where they kept all the chemicals for the lab to take my tests.
Also in an ideal world I would be given a PUBLIC apology and the schools *in chesaning* would not only apologize, but ADMIT guilt and neglect and start implementing school policies that would prevent other students from suffering what I did. Anyone who knows the whole story knows that being sent off to another room to take a test was the least of my problems though also damaging. The punching, kicking and spitting upon my person were in SOME ways much worse.
So, barring those things happening, WHAT ELSE would I need to 'let go'???
That's the $64,000,000 question and at this moment, I'm not sure I have the answer.
I know when I was listening to my coach talk last night what kept running through my head was a quote from the "Classic Albums: "NEVERMIND"" VH1 series.
"And I think what he found which is certainly true, I think of many successful people is that he became rich and famous and all the same things were still there. He was still from a divorced family, he still had difficult relationships with that family and he still struggled for his place in the world."--Unknown Person
So the next $64,000,000 question is am I going to end up like KURT COBAIN because I haven't found a way to let go of 'everything'? And when I say end up like, I could easily pose that question of anyone who hasn't let go of 'everything'. So I don't mean 'end up dead like' or anything similar.
I'm more inclined to believe that we let go of things as we age and as we figure out how, so I'm not 'doomed' however, there is a part of me that now feels threatened like: "If you won't release everything, this minute, then the Universe won't provide for you and your fate is sealed!"
NOT a good way to be thinking when I'm trying to get to a fabulous new year and putting it all on the line for said new year!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Thank You For Miami Sisters!!!!
Nothing like waiting till the last minute to share my Miami story!!!
First SG Tat deserves a huge thank you because she read my story *Brags, profile I'm guessing*, and she contacted me. In fact, she was so determined to help me she not only replied to my Brags, she emailed me about 10 minutes after that! Smile.
She said it was her Desire to help get me to Miami, I already had plane tickets though, so she started raising money for me.
Next huge thank yous go to my roommates Friday/Saturday SG H SG M and SG R!!!! Totally rockin' Women!!! It was the perfect mix of SGS who've been there before and SG M and I who had just gone through VPBC together. Thursday was also covered, so I am Greatful to a former SG for that!!!! Huge hugs!!
As for the story itself. . .
I got in Thursday night and encountered not one, but two hot Latinos!!! Woo woo woooooo! Can we say ring the alarm!!!!
One was handing out bus transfers, the other drove the cab to Haddon Hall!!
I was able to hop on the net to check in here at SG.com and see what was up!! I slept badly due to noisiness, but everything can't be perfect, right? It's Miami! Lol.
Friday I spent in Haddon and than at the Catalina alone. Thank you to SG LA for helping me move and get settled in at the Catalina!!!! You rock Sister!!!!
I got dinner with SG R *thank you!!!!!*, and made my grand entrance to Graduation!!!!!
I have to say it definitely made up for my graduation from high school!!! I loved the energy and the dance breaks and SG RR who ran right up to me and sat down with me!!! Thank you SG RR, it was fabulous meeting you in person!!!! You are totally awesome!!!!!
The entire weekend was emotional for me, it seemed like all I did was cry and then my heart would soar and then I'd cry again!
The reunion with all the Sisters was amazing!! It was sooo wonderful getting to meet everyone I met!!! Names escape me as I didn't have enough time to memorize everyone's voices!! I would have needed at least a week!!! Lol.
Spending time with SG Y Friday night was also wonderful, her working to get me to flirt and me going: "No way, not happenin' not comfortable!!!" At first I saw this as an abject failure but as other SGS pointed out to me, this was just what I needed because I got the chance to Pleasure Research and figure out what I do and don't like. I don't like flirting in crowded places where you can't hear yourself think let alone hear what someone else is saying to you!
She also SC'D with me right there in the middle of the party which felt like I'd been sprung on, but I was eternally Greatful afterwards!!! Thank you SG Y!!!!! Hugest of hugs to you for that Sister!!!!
Because of you and my own fortitude I was able to bring some skills home with me and I used them last night at the Framing Hanley concert!!
I also met Shannan who wasn't there as an SG, but was totally awesome to me!!! We got to talking about my brother and I was amazed at her heartfelt sincere apology for his passing and her knowingness of how much pain his death caused me. I've never met anyone like that before!!! Thank you Shannan!!!
Saturday was an early breakfast *for me*, but another late entry into class!! Lol! I'm Greatful to MG for giving me a chance to speak all three days!!!! You rock Mama!!!!
I'm also Greatful for the lunch I had afterward with SG LR *and her SG Mama D*, SG Mary, and the other SGS at the table!!! I thank you all and SG D again for going shopping with me afterward!!!! It was fabulous!!!! I spent $155 on the little strapless number I wore Sunday to class and I would have never done that 'at the house'!!!
I'm getting ahead of myself here!! Lol. I'm also Greatful to Bill for hanging out Friday night, we did talk after things quieted down! I'm Greatful to Shannan for the kashmir wrap!!!! Has kept me quite warm since!!
I'm Greatful for being taught the YES!!!! move on Saturday, one of the most powerful tools I believe I've ever received, just because of the 'YES' factor!!!!! We aren't taught to yes anything in our lives, so this was huge for me!!!
I hit the beach Saturday though I didn't go in and I'm Greatful to SG D for getting me there!!!!! I'm also Greatful to SG JA who took pictures of me!!!! Thank you Sister!!!!!
I also bought three bracelets and one of SG Tara's Gratitude journals for the children in Zimbabwe! That was an awesome feeling!!
I had Chinese for dinner with SG AL whom I finally got to meet up with, YAY!!! Thank you Sister and to the other two Sisters who ate with us, it was all very enjoyable!!!
Saturday night was of course, the Pink Party which was totally interesting! I had hopped on the Unbound Olympics train and one of the homework pieces was to put a plan in motion to work towards receiving one of your Desires! In my case the Desire I chose was being pregnant with a beautiful healthy Baby Girl, Olivia Maria by 1/14/2012!! So SG H and SG R and I came up with the plan for me to come out of hiding. . . next thing I know Pussy leads me to the stage at the party and all these hands are pulling me up and boom!!! I'm there, on stage!!!! It has definitely left an impression on me, on a cellular level as yesterday at the Framing Hanley concert I Desired to get on that stage!!! Smile.
The music got to be a bit much with a techno backbeat, but I kept up the dancing to the end, booty bumpin' and hip bumpin' thank you to those of you who danced with me!!!!
After that it was off to the Raleigh for skinny dipping!!!! Wooooo wooooo!!!!
I felt liberated, but in a way that I'd be hardpressed to put into words. I wasn't ashamed to strip at all. *waking up in the hospital without underwear 66 times seems to have that effect on some of us*!! But it left it's mark in a way that again went much deeper than being naked in a pool. We held hands in a Desire circle and the bouncing and floating in the water was wonderful!!!! I also Brag I received compliments on my gorgeous boobs twice in one weekend!!!! Never happened before!! Smile.
Sunday I thought I was going to have to CRAWL to class my ankle hurt so bad, but I made it and it was worth it for the last hurrah!!!
I'm Greatful to SG Tara for paying for my room at the Raleigh, you are totally awesome Sister and I adore you!!!!!! You made one of my Desires come true!!!
I'm also Greatful to SG SGB, SG Dana, SG Cookie and any other SG I'm missing for taking me into the ocean!! It was absolutely fabulous out there, to give my Gratitude to the water and realize the importance of standing my ground no matter what!!!!
I'm also Greatful for the SGS *most of whom were in the circle afterwards* this man and SG Dana helped me back to the circle and I was feeling great until this man started Desiring hugs and kisses from the others, then I began to feel afraid and though I didn't speak up it was like they all new because they pulled me into the middle of the circle. I felt so safe and secure in that circle I never Desired to leave it!!! Thank you all sooooo much!!! Words are not enough!!
I'm Greatful to SG Brenda who took me souvenir shopping Sunday night!!! I was showing everything off to Holly yesterday before the concert and she was saying how everything was perfect for me/my style and attitude!! Thank you!!!
I'm Greatful for talking with SG Carey though we didn't make it to a dinner date together!! Next time Sister!!!
I'm Greatful to SG Kim and SG HM for dinner at the Mediterreanian place!!! $133 on dinner, but it was one totally awesome dinner of fillet mignon, chocolate moose, chocolate meltdown cake, fingerling potatoes and fresh cheese with organic tomatoes!! Heeeeeeello!!!!! Smile. It was aaaaaaaamaaaaaazing!!!! And a French waiter!!! Whoa!!!! Who new????
It was a late night and I was thrilled to have a room and a king-sized bed to myself!!!! Never had that before either!! Alot of firsts on this trip!!! SG Tat got up with me Monday morning, helped with a cab and getting my bags downstairs!! I'm Greatful to you for seeing me off, thank you!!!!
The cabby was awesome, got me a Woman to take me through airport security who reminded me of SG Y *personality wise*, and of an SG all 'round!! She kissed and hugged a couple guys and when one of the guards Desired me to stand up and walk through she declared: "She can't walk!! You see the cane? *takes it from me and holds it up*!! Lol. She cannot walk!" A second male guard tried his hand and the first one said: "Forget it, I already tried. She is not coming out of that wheelchair." Finally a female guard came over, walked me through and patted me down while I sat!! This unnamed Woman took my shoes off, and tied them once I got them back on, she took my pouch off and put it back on, took my bag and laptop and phone, took everything out and put it all back!! This is huge for me because before Miami I would have felt like I 'had' to be independent. I can't have all these sighted people thinking I'm an invalid. In the VI *visually impaired* community just like in the sighted community, it's all about appearances. We aren't weak, we aren't stupid and we NEVER need help from sighted people, we can make our own way!! Of course then there's the other extreme *haven't heard of the National Federation for the Blind and wouldn't like them if they did*, because why make waves when they can sit at home and have their parents bathe them and wash their clothes and make their dinner for them? So there's two extremes and I've always tried to figure out where the hell I stood. Not a big fan of the NFB in the sense that they think sighted people are useless, but they have been very helpful in making websites and other things accessible to us. So. . . I Brag that I let go Monday and didn't think about the NFB or the non-NFB'ers, I just let go and let Goddess and felt no guilt whatsoever!!
I made it home safely and received the last of the money Friday in a check from SG Tat.
Thank you all again, I am eternally Greatful and Miami would not be what it was without all of you helping!!
Count me in for the SG commune!! Smile.
I came home and it's been one hell of a shock trying to integrate here. The family wanted to hang on me Monday and it took all I had to be polite and not say: "Get the fuck away from me! I hate you and wish I'd never come back here!" and that was BEFORE I found out Dad's answer about rent!!! Lol.
First SG Tat deserves a huge thank you because she read my story *Brags, profile I'm guessing*, and she contacted me. In fact, she was so determined to help me she not only replied to my Brags, she emailed me about 10 minutes after that! Smile.
She said it was her Desire to help get me to Miami, I already had plane tickets though, so she started raising money for me.
Next huge thank yous go to my roommates Friday/Saturday SG H SG M and SG R!!!! Totally rockin' Women!!! It was the perfect mix of SGS who've been there before and SG M and I who had just gone through VPBC together. Thursday was also covered, so I am Greatful to a former SG for that!!!! Huge hugs!!
As for the story itself. . .
I got in Thursday night and encountered not one, but two hot Latinos!!! Woo woo woooooo! Can we say ring the alarm!!!!
One was handing out bus transfers, the other drove the cab to Haddon Hall!!
I was able to hop on the net to check in here at SG.com and see what was up!! I slept badly due to noisiness, but everything can't be perfect, right? It's Miami! Lol.
Friday I spent in Haddon and than at the Catalina alone. Thank you to SG LA for helping me move and get settled in at the Catalina!!!! You rock Sister!!!!
I got dinner with SG R *thank you!!!!!*, and made my grand entrance to Graduation!!!!!
I have to say it definitely made up for my graduation from high school!!! I loved the energy and the dance breaks and SG RR who ran right up to me and sat down with me!!! Thank you SG RR, it was fabulous meeting you in person!!!! You are totally awesome!!!!!
The entire weekend was emotional for me, it seemed like all I did was cry and then my heart would soar and then I'd cry again!
The reunion with all the Sisters was amazing!! It was sooo wonderful getting to meet everyone I met!!! Names escape me as I didn't have enough time to memorize everyone's voices!! I would have needed at least a week!!! Lol.
Spending time with SG Y Friday night was also wonderful, her working to get me to flirt and me going: "No way, not happenin' not comfortable!!!" At first I saw this as an abject failure but as other SGS pointed out to me, this was just what I needed because I got the chance to Pleasure Research and figure out what I do and don't like. I don't like flirting in crowded places where you can't hear yourself think let alone hear what someone else is saying to you!
She also SC'D with me right there in the middle of the party which felt like I'd been sprung on, but I was eternally Greatful afterwards!!! Thank you SG Y!!!!! Hugest of hugs to you for that Sister!!!!
Because of you and my own fortitude I was able to bring some skills home with me and I used them last night at the Framing Hanley concert!!
I also met Shannan who wasn't there as an SG, but was totally awesome to me!!! We got to talking about my brother and I was amazed at her heartfelt sincere apology for his passing and her knowingness of how much pain his death caused me. I've never met anyone like that before!!! Thank you Shannan!!!
Saturday was an early breakfast *for me*, but another late entry into class!! Lol! I'm Greatful to MG for giving me a chance to speak all three days!!!! You rock Mama!!!!
I'm also Greatful for the lunch I had afterward with SG LR *and her SG Mama D*, SG Mary, and the other SGS at the table!!! I thank you all and SG D again for going shopping with me afterward!!!! It was fabulous!!!! I spent $155 on the little strapless number I wore Sunday to class and I would have never done that 'at the house'!!!
I'm getting ahead of myself here!! Lol. I'm also Greatful to Bill for hanging out Friday night, we did talk after things quieted down! I'm Greatful to Shannan for the kashmir wrap!!!! Has kept me quite warm since!!
I'm Greatful for being taught the YES!!!! move on Saturday, one of the most powerful tools I believe I've ever received, just because of the 'YES' factor!!!!! We aren't taught to yes anything in our lives, so this was huge for me!!!
I hit the beach Saturday though I didn't go in and I'm Greatful to SG D for getting me there!!!!! I'm also Greatful to SG JA who took pictures of me!!!! Thank you Sister!!!!!
I also bought three bracelets and one of SG Tara's Gratitude journals for the children in Zimbabwe! That was an awesome feeling!!
I had Chinese for dinner with SG AL whom I finally got to meet up with, YAY!!! Thank you Sister and to the other two Sisters who ate with us, it was all very enjoyable!!!
Saturday night was of course, the Pink Party which was totally interesting! I had hopped on the Unbound Olympics train and one of the homework pieces was to put a plan in motion to work towards receiving one of your Desires! In my case the Desire I chose was being pregnant with a beautiful healthy Baby Girl, Olivia Maria by 1/14/2012!! So SG H and SG R and I came up with the plan for me to come out of hiding. . . next thing I know Pussy leads me to the stage at the party and all these hands are pulling me up and boom!!! I'm there, on stage!!!! It has definitely left an impression on me, on a cellular level as yesterday at the Framing Hanley concert I Desired to get on that stage!!! Smile.
The music got to be a bit much with a techno backbeat, but I kept up the dancing to the end, booty bumpin' and hip bumpin' thank you to those of you who danced with me!!!!
After that it was off to the Raleigh for skinny dipping!!!! Wooooo wooooo!!!!
I felt liberated, but in a way that I'd be hardpressed to put into words. I wasn't ashamed to strip at all. *waking up in the hospital without underwear 66 times seems to have that effect on some of us*!! But it left it's mark in a way that again went much deeper than being naked in a pool. We held hands in a Desire circle and the bouncing and floating in the water was wonderful!!!! I also Brag I received compliments on my gorgeous boobs twice in one weekend!!!! Never happened before!! Smile.
Sunday I thought I was going to have to CRAWL to class my ankle hurt so bad, but I made it and it was worth it for the last hurrah!!!
I'm Greatful to SG Tara for paying for my room at the Raleigh, you are totally awesome Sister and I adore you!!!!!! You made one of my Desires come true!!!
I'm also Greatful to SG SGB, SG Dana, SG Cookie and any other SG I'm missing for taking me into the ocean!! It was absolutely fabulous out there, to give my Gratitude to the water and realize the importance of standing my ground no matter what!!!!
I'm also Greatful for the SGS *most of whom were in the circle afterwards* this man and SG Dana helped me back to the circle and I was feeling great until this man started Desiring hugs and kisses from the others, then I began to feel afraid and though I didn't speak up it was like they all new because they pulled me into the middle of the circle. I felt so safe and secure in that circle I never Desired to leave it!!! Thank you all sooooo much!!! Words are not enough!!
I'm Greatful to SG Brenda who took me souvenir shopping Sunday night!!! I was showing everything off to Holly yesterday before the concert and she was saying how everything was perfect for me/my style and attitude!! Thank you!!!
I'm Greatful for talking with SG Carey though we didn't make it to a dinner date together!! Next time Sister!!!
I'm Greatful to SG Kim and SG HM for dinner at the Mediterreanian place!!! $133 on dinner, but it was one totally awesome dinner of fillet mignon, chocolate moose, chocolate meltdown cake, fingerling potatoes and fresh cheese with organic tomatoes!! Heeeeeeello!!!!! Smile. It was aaaaaaaamaaaaaazing!!!! And a French waiter!!! Whoa!!!! Who new????
It was a late night and I was thrilled to have a room and a king-sized bed to myself!!!! Never had that before either!! Alot of firsts on this trip!!! SG Tat got up with me Monday morning, helped with a cab and getting my bags downstairs!! I'm Greatful to you for seeing me off, thank you!!!!
The cabby was awesome, got me a Woman to take me through airport security who reminded me of SG Y *personality wise*, and of an SG all 'round!! She kissed and hugged a couple guys and when one of the guards Desired me to stand up and walk through she declared: "She can't walk!! You see the cane? *takes it from me and holds it up*!! Lol. She cannot walk!" A second male guard tried his hand and the first one said: "Forget it, I already tried. She is not coming out of that wheelchair." Finally a female guard came over, walked me through and patted me down while I sat!! This unnamed Woman took my shoes off, and tied them once I got them back on, she took my pouch off and put it back on, took my bag and laptop and phone, took everything out and put it all back!! This is huge for me because before Miami I would have felt like I 'had' to be independent. I can't have all these sighted people thinking I'm an invalid. In the VI *visually impaired* community just like in the sighted community, it's all about appearances. We aren't weak, we aren't stupid and we NEVER need help from sighted people, we can make our own way!! Of course then there's the other extreme *haven't heard of the National Federation for the Blind and wouldn't like them if they did*, because why make waves when they can sit at home and have their parents bathe them and wash their clothes and make their dinner for them? So there's two extremes and I've always tried to figure out where the hell I stood. Not a big fan of the NFB in the sense that they think sighted people are useless, but they have been very helpful in making websites and other things accessible to us. So. . . I Brag that I let go Monday and didn't think about the NFB or the non-NFB'ers, I just let go and let Goddess and felt no guilt whatsoever!!
I made it home safely and received the last of the money Friday in a check from SG Tat.
Thank you all again, I am eternally Greatful and Miami would not be what it was without all of you helping!!
Count me in for the SG commune!! Smile.
I came home and it's been one hell of a shock trying to integrate here. The family wanted to hang on me Monday and it took all I had to be polite and not say: "Get the fuck away from me! I hate you and wish I'd never come back here!" and that was BEFORE I found out Dad's answer about rent!!! Lol.
Monday, November 7, 2011
11-10-11 Miami As I Picture It!
So SG PR Melinda gave me a suggestion when I asked her how to find the meaning in my life *the current one* a week and a half ago or so and that suggestion was to either dive off the high dive by asking my Dad to allow me to keep my rent for the next 6 months *see my Bravest Holy Trinity Yet*!! OR to start off in the shallow end of the pool I could unpack my barbies and make them play out the life I Desire to have in the future.
Well, I dove off and asked Dad about the rent, waiting on the results of that. . . So I also decided to stick my toe in the shallow end of the pool and start off writing about How I Desire Miami to turn out!!
I don't own any barbies. Lol. Writing is definitely my platform anyway, I'm much better at writing and really like it as long as I'm writing for myself and not someone else. Plus, this isn't the first time I've heard of this exercise. SG Lissa has also recommended it in her Get Out Of Your Own Way!! booklet and modules. Only she describes it as playing a movie in your head of how you Desire your life to be. Writing to me is what movies and dreams are to others though, so I picked writing.
So, without further adieu DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!! Here is how my first day in Miami turns out, as pictured BEFOREHAND by me!!
I Brag I woke up completely refreshed today!!! It was 9AM and I wasn't draggin' butt!!!!
I Brag I got myself all packed yesterday and so today was a morning of relaxation!
I spent a couple hours with Dad bullshiting and joking around. We had a pancake breakfast at McDonalds and I was feeling completely at ease about getting from one airport to another. We got to Flint Bishop International a little after 12PM and I flirted my way through security!! The officers were mesmerized and thrilled to have me in their midst!!! I got through security with grace and was led to the waiting area.
I had about 20 minutes to spare and there was a hot Tamale Man sitting next to me!! Mexican, hair done up in dreads he was heading back home to San Antonio Texas!!! Bingo!!! SERIOUS driftwood for my own Desire to move to San Antonio!!! His accent rolled over me in waves and I nearly flirted him right out of his pants!!! Hahahaha!! We talked about the weather in TX and Miami verses Michigan. . . who new the weather could hold sooo many euphemisms for ahem. . . other things????? Lol! He said he was single but not currently looking. . . No matter, I got to practice my Womanly Art of Flirtation and that's all that counts!!
Time flew by and he walked me to the counter where we got our boarding passes! Turns out we both had to take connecting flights so we'd get to hang together!!! Then when we got on the plane I found out we were even seated next to each other!!! Fancy that!!
For the next half an hour I had one spicy conversation with Tamale Man. . . At one point I was mid sentence and he leaned over and kissed me! Just like that!! I new about being 'unbound' but I thought that happened, IN MIAMI!! I didn't realize I had any power to bring it before Miami!!!
I smiled widely, leaned forward and whispered in his ear in my most sultry voice: "What happened???? I thought you weren't looking Tamale Man. . ."
He lost any pretense and burst out laughing!
"Tamale Man? Seriously?"
I Grinned. "Yes, you heard me. . ."
His voice purred with Pleasure even though I made him laugh.
He said he wasn't used to getting a nickname so quickly. I pointed out that he hadn't given me his name. He said. . . ready for it!! He said his name was ELIAS!!! To top it off, he had a hot Tamale waiting for me alright!!!~!
Now it was my turn to crack up laughing!!!
"Didn't you give it a name or something? ELIAS JR or??"
"Or what?"
"Or. . . I don't know! Didn't you name it is my question!"
He laughed.
"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."
"Oh, so that's how you're gonna play it. . ."
He chuckled. Then he grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. Ahhhhh!!!! How'd he know????? Now I'm all tingly!!!
We carried on talking about nothing and everything. Turns out he's a huge NONPOINT fan himself!! Woohoo!! And of course, loves rock music in general!!! Yumyumyum!!! Now there's my purrfect catch!!
When we landed in Detroit he walked me to my connecting flight even though he had his own flight to catch!! We embraced for long moments and he told me to give him my cell. I HAD NOT planned on this, but I handed it over anyway and he input his number!! I have speed dial so his number was number 3, right after Dad's!! Not that I'll ever tell Dad this!! He told me to call him when I got home. He Desires to help me make the move!!
Before VPBC I would have been seriously concerned about this!!!!! Truth is though, he's a really nice guy and has left me feeling completely comfortable with him, which doesn't happen often!!
He thinks I'm an inspiration and EVERYONE NEEDS to hear my story! He's 30 and a freelance reporter!!! I'm sitting here in my hotel room pinching myself!!! I can't believe it!!! He was in michigan visiting family! He has a Baby Daughter to!!!! Again, more driftwood for my own Baby Girl I Desire!!! He and her mother broke up while she was pregnant. Eliana is 1 now and they just celebrated her BDay a week ago! I couldn't stop awwing and ahhing! I'm such a drooling fool when it comes to Babies!! He thinks it's adorable!
I had a two and a half hour wait for my connecting flight and he almost missed his own flight so caught up were we!
And here I was slightly displeased at my 'long wait'!! He said he wasn't prone to just leaning over and kissing someone. That just hadn't been his style. I asked him why he did it. I'm not sure I meant to ask it just kind of rushed out of me! Bad impulse control apparently! Lol. He said he didn't even know why. I just looked beautiful and I was glowing!
We hugged again and he kissed me AGAIN!!! Then the poor guy had to RUN to catch his flight!!! I waved. . . wonderers are now wondering!! Will anything happen next?
I caught my connecting flight from Detroit. I sat in a window seat and a Woman with a Baby sat next to me!! Did I mention DRIFTWOOD yet???? I Brag I wasn't shy or nervous!! I started chatting her up about where she was going and it turns out she was flying back to meet up with her husband. She had been staying with her family while he was deployed in Iraq and now that he was coming home to Miami she was ready to go back! She hadn't Desired to be alone and pregnant or alone with a new Baby. Baby started to fuss so I asked if I could hold her. She let me!!! Eeeeekkkk!!! I was sooooo excited!! Her name is Ana Elise. . . mmmmm think I like it!! When I took Spanish in high school my Spanish name was Ana and my math teacher Mister W *whom I had a huge crush on called me Anaelese. Lol.
She fell asleep in my arms and her mom Maria was able to get in a nap as well! I was thrilled to be of service!!
It turned out I didn't use my Ipod once this whole trip because I was occupied talking to strangers the whole time!!
I got in ahead of time at around 8:30 though I'd been told before we wouldn't be getting in until 8:54! Woohoo!!
I had a fabulous SG escort to dinner and then here to my hotel with yet another SG!!!!
She was so fabulous to open her doors to me!!!! Hugest of hugs Sister!!
So here I am writing and thinking about bed soon.
I caaaan't waaaait for tomorrow!!!! I'm soooooo excited I can bearly contain myself!!!
I Desire a fabulous sleep tonight to be prepared and rejuvinated for tomorrow!!!
With Love,
SG Chelle
Well, I dove off and asked Dad about the rent, waiting on the results of that. . . So I also decided to stick my toe in the shallow end of the pool and start off writing about How I Desire Miami to turn out!!
I don't own any barbies. Lol. Writing is definitely my platform anyway, I'm much better at writing and really like it as long as I'm writing for myself and not someone else. Plus, this isn't the first time I've heard of this exercise. SG Lissa has also recommended it in her Get Out Of Your Own Way!! booklet and modules. Only she describes it as playing a movie in your head of how you Desire your life to be. Writing to me is what movies and dreams are to others though, so I picked writing.
So, without further adieu DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!! Here is how my first day in Miami turns out, as pictured BEFOREHAND by me!!
I Brag I woke up completely refreshed today!!! It was 9AM and I wasn't draggin' butt!!!!
I Brag I got myself all packed yesterday and so today was a morning of relaxation!
I spent a couple hours with Dad bullshiting and joking around. We had a pancake breakfast at McDonalds and I was feeling completely at ease about getting from one airport to another. We got to Flint Bishop International a little after 12PM and I flirted my way through security!! The officers were mesmerized and thrilled to have me in their midst!!! I got through security with grace and was led to the waiting area.
I had about 20 minutes to spare and there was a hot Tamale Man sitting next to me!! Mexican, hair done up in dreads he was heading back home to San Antonio Texas!!! Bingo!!! SERIOUS driftwood for my own Desire to move to San Antonio!!! His accent rolled over me in waves and I nearly flirted him right out of his pants!!! Hahahaha!! We talked about the weather in TX and Miami verses Michigan. . . who new the weather could hold sooo many euphemisms for ahem. . . other things????? Lol! He said he was single but not currently looking. . . No matter, I got to practice my Womanly Art of Flirtation and that's all that counts!!
Time flew by and he walked me to the counter where we got our boarding passes! Turns out we both had to take connecting flights so we'd get to hang together!!! Then when we got on the plane I found out we were even seated next to each other!!! Fancy that!!
For the next half an hour I had one spicy conversation with Tamale Man. . . At one point I was mid sentence and he leaned over and kissed me! Just like that!! I new about being 'unbound' but I thought that happened, IN MIAMI!! I didn't realize I had any power to bring it before Miami!!!
I smiled widely, leaned forward and whispered in his ear in my most sultry voice: "What happened???? I thought you weren't looking Tamale Man. . ."
He lost any pretense and burst out laughing!
"Tamale Man? Seriously?"
I Grinned. "Yes, you heard me. . ."
His voice purred with Pleasure even though I made him laugh.
He said he wasn't used to getting a nickname so quickly. I pointed out that he hadn't given me his name. He said. . . ready for it!! He said his name was ELIAS!!! To top it off, he had a hot Tamale waiting for me alright!!!~!
Now it was my turn to crack up laughing!!!
"Didn't you give it a name or something? ELIAS JR or??"
"Or what?"
"Or. . . I don't know! Didn't you name it is my question!"
He laughed.
"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."
"Oh, so that's how you're gonna play it. . ."
He chuckled. Then he grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. Ahhhhh!!!! How'd he know????? Now I'm all tingly!!!
We carried on talking about nothing and everything. Turns out he's a huge NONPOINT fan himself!! Woohoo!! And of course, loves rock music in general!!! Yumyumyum!!! Now there's my purrfect catch!!
When we landed in Detroit he walked me to my connecting flight even though he had his own flight to catch!! We embraced for long moments and he told me to give him my cell. I HAD NOT planned on this, but I handed it over anyway and he input his number!! I have speed dial so his number was number 3, right after Dad's!! Not that I'll ever tell Dad this!! He told me to call him when I got home. He Desires to help me make the move!!
Before VPBC I would have been seriously concerned about this!!!!! Truth is though, he's a really nice guy and has left me feeling completely comfortable with him, which doesn't happen often!!
He thinks I'm an inspiration and EVERYONE NEEDS to hear my story! He's 30 and a freelance reporter!!! I'm sitting here in my hotel room pinching myself!!! I can't believe it!!! He was in michigan visiting family! He has a Baby Daughter to!!!! Again, more driftwood for my own Baby Girl I Desire!!! He and her mother broke up while she was pregnant. Eliana is 1 now and they just celebrated her BDay a week ago! I couldn't stop awwing and ahhing! I'm such a drooling fool when it comes to Babies!! He thinks it's adorable!
I had a two and a half hour wait for my connecting flight and he almost missed his own flight so caught up were we!
And here I was slightly displeased at my 'long wait'!! He said he wasn't prone to just leaning over and kissing someone. That just hadn't been his style. I asked him why he did it. I'm not sure I meant to ask it just kind of rushed out of me! Bad impulse control apparently! Lol. He said he didn't even know why. I just looked beautiful and I was glowing!
We hugged again and he kissed me AGAIN!!! Then the poor guy had to RUN to catch his flight!!! I waved. . . wonderers are now wondering!! Will anything happen next?
I caught my connecting flight from Detroit. I sat in a window seat and a Woman with a Baby sat next to me!! Did I mention DRIFTWOOD yet???? I Brag I wasn't shy or nervous!! I started chatting her up about where she was going and it turns out she was flying back to meet up with her husband. She had been staying with her family while he was deployed in Iraq and now that he was coming home to Miami she was ready to go back! She hadn't Desired to be alone and pregnant or alone with a new Baby. Baby started to fuss so I asked if I could hold her. She let me!!! Eeeeekkkk!!! I was sooooo excited!! Her name is Ana Elise. . . mmmmm think I like it!! When I took Spanish in high school my Spanish name was Ana and my math teacher Mister W *whom I had a huge crush on called me Anaelese. Lol.
She fell asleep in my arms and her mom Maria was able to get in a nap as well! I was thrilled to be of service!!
It turned out I didn't use my Ipod once this whole trip because I was occupied talking to strangers the whole time!!
I got in ahead of time at around 8:30 though I'd been told before we wouldn't be getting in until 8:54! Woohoo!!
I had a fabulous SG escort to dinner and then here to my hotel with yet another SG!!!!
She was so fabulous to open her doors to me!!!! Hugest of hugs Sister!!
So here I am writing and thinking about bed soon.
I caaaan't waaaait for tomorrow!!!! I'm soooooo excited I can bearly contain myself!!!
I Desire a fabulous sleep tonight to be prepared and rejuvinated for tomorrow!!!
With Love,
SG Chelle
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