Too Much To Say

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON MY PINK POSSE BLOG ON OR NEAR
Wed, Jun 23, 2010 at 2:27 AM

Hello all,
I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to be buried in emails for
the rest of my life, so no point in trying to fix it! Lol. If I do,
I'll never get back to what I love doing, being at PP & that would be
truly crushing!
I have 2172 emails in my inbox, another 2000 in my media folder, &
over 1000 in my trash folder!
Anyway, there are so many things to touch on & not enough time.
It was super hot yesterday afternoon, so all I did was sleep. However,
I've been trying to get back on track, going to bed at a decent hour,
or decent for me, so 1-2AM, & up by 10 or so. I really fell off
everything as I said before when I lost my computer. I had nothing to
do all day long & nothing to do all night long either, so I slept like
a cat or dog sleeps! Lol. Now I'm trying to fix that.
I've also noticed that I seem to be extremely emotional lately. Just
reading lyrics from a sad song online will make me cry, versus hearing
it, which is normally what gets me. I'm not in the mood for ice cream,
probably a good thing, so I'm shocked by that fact! Lol. I've been
drinking two glasses of water a day, sometimes more, which is also a
good thing, because I was fighting it for a long time.
On another note entirely, I promise to get to my favorite story of
all, NONPOINT!! soon, possibly later today even. I'm dying to tell, as
I said though, I've just been buried lately!
I also have a friend to reply to, haven't talked to her in months
either, darned computer problems! Lol. I saw Fuel in concert as well,
the Friday before I saw NONPOINT, so have to dish on them a bit to.
Finally the 3 & a half days blog post & why is sexuality taboo
discussion have left me with several things to say, which I've also
been putting off. Also been listening to alot of NIRVANA lately, thank
the Lord for the ability to download files!!!, & have a number of
thoughts rolling around on that matter as well.
I need to get back to my morning pages & coating myself in lotion
after showers! I felt good when I was doing that.
In other minutia of my life, I started pulling at my nails again, but
have stopped for about 4-5 days now. I'm hoping to be able to go all
out beautiful the next time NP comes to town, which will be in the
fall! That sounds cliched, but it isn't all about that. I hurt my hip
at the SEETHER concert & I call it the Concert That Keeps On Giving,
because it still hurts! Lol. I'm pretty sure it's because of my weight
though, & not nearly as much to do with the concert itself. So I want
to lose the weight. I just need motivation, from people who are in my
backyard so to speak. Preferably living next door, & that's not
happening as I have no next door friends. Even Holly is a half hour
away & half of her summer will be spent with her boyfriend in Texas.
So I'm on my own! (cry)! Lol.
Finally, I haven't given up on my book & wish I could find some people
to read it over & revise it, as is. By that I mean, no title, no
chapters, just one big 58 page document in word. I don't have the know
how to make it pretty first. I want it "fixed" as it were for two
reasons.
1. I want to be able to look at it & say: "Ok, I wrote about this &
this & this. So I need to write about that & that & the other thing."
Secondly, if I can ever shop it around to a publisher, or even
self-publish it, I want to know I have something to shop around, as
most people in the book world are like those in the rest of the work
world & insist on conformance with their rules & regs.
Probably why I'll never end up in an office job. I wear band tees &
shorts in the summer & band tees & comfortable pants in the winter, &
if you don't like it, that's to bad!
Yes, I rebel, just not in the usual ways.
Anyway, hope everyone gets/is getting a good night's sleep!
Chelle

Comp Trouble, Missed You All!

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON MY PINK POSSE BLOG ON OR NEAR
Wed, June 16, 2010 7:52PM

Hi all,
You have noooo idea how much I desperately missed all of you!!! My
computer quit working not long after my last blog post, which was May
15th, according to the PP time/date stamps. It took me another 10 days
to find someone to take my computer to as I hate taking it to computer
businesses that aren't equipped to handle a blind person's computer.
That might sound rude, but the thing is, if JAW'S quits working
because they flubbed it up, then a whole nother set of complications
arises! & all I was doing was wanting to get it fixed! Luckily though,
these guys at 3 Geeks got it all straightened around. However, they
initially said I had no virus, you know, you're a woman, it's all in
your head kind of thing??? Growl!!! So my Dad insisted that he saw the
virus warning come up & only then did they find it (YESTERDAY)!! to be
exact! They also thought JAW'S had been removed off my computer, not
true!!! So I had to do the Freedom Scientiffic Tech Support runnaround
for nothing! Anyways, it's back now & I have a million things to tell
all of you! I'll post them in upcoming blogs, but for shorthand, I
went to see SEETHER on Friday May 21 & almost got kicked out! (No, I
wasn't drunk, & it wasn't even a serious thing!) & I got to see
NONPOINT on Tuesday June 8th!!! Oooooooohhhhh!!! So in love!!!!! &
Mister "Hi Princess. . . (think full on sexy voice, & I don't even
like the name princess normally!!!) I love you!! Oh I love you!!!"
(kiss kiss kiss) DID NOT help!!!!!!!!! Lol.
I also fell off the self care program, wasn't able to keep up with
morning pages since I had nothing to write on!!!, & almost died
without all of you!!
So gigantic hugs, & I love you all!!!!
Ttys,
Michelle

--
"Like the sun we will live to rise,
Like the sun we will live and die!
And then. . . ignite again!"
"Live to Rise"--Christopher Cornell/Soundgarden, from The Avengers Soundtrack

Evening Pages and Brags!!!!

I Brag I went outside today and sat out there by myself for a while!!!
This is a huuuuuuge Brag for me because I've had a fear of bugs that fly/buzz ever since I was a little girl. There was also the fear of getting lost and not being able to make my way back to the house which has actually happened in the past.
Trying to keep it short since bed is calling, but I rode my tricycle into the middle of Gary road and almost got ran over by a truck and I went out to visit my Rabbit Fluffy once during the winter, got lost in the snow and ended up falling in a ditch.
I Brag I did my workout today!!
Got up to 800 with my Affirmation: "I am the essence of love!" and up to 400 with my combo Affirmation: "I am ready to face my fears of abandonment and lonleness!!"
I was working on the Love one but in the middle of it fear kept popping up so I decided to go with it.
I Brag I've been learning to go with the flow lately and that includes with my Affirmations!
I Brag I'm beginning to create my own rules!!
Onto the rest of the day, there was a shabby part this evening after Dad came home and didn't invite me out to eat with him even after I asked him about food and told him I'd be ready whenever dinner was done. I chose to decide that he just wanted to eat alone since he let the girls eat outside. *he usually doesn't do that*.
I admit I was hurt and thought he was being a prick or at the minimum a jerk, but after stewing for a bit I chose to let it pass and my evening picked up!
I got to watch a clip of ELI singing one of the songs for NONPOINT'S upcoming album!! I'm soooo psyched!!!!!! And then to talk with my coach Kimberly on how to figure out what my Major in College will be.
So between her giving me an answer on how to figure it out, watching ELI and choosing to let it go my evening ended on a high note!!
I did my second round of Tapping on school, College in particular. I'm sooo proud of myself for keeping up!! Woohoo!!! Man I rock!!!
And now I'm here writing this!
I put those Science News mags in a bag so they aren't cluttering up my bed anymore!
And I caught the #1 song of the 90's from VH1'S countdown this evening! Bet you'll never guess what it was!!
NIRVANA, "SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT"!!!!!!!!!!!!
Paaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrttttttttyyyyyyyy!!!! I was soooooo thrilled about that!! Everybody knows KURT is NUMERO UNO!!!!
I backed over my sister's Dog Duke's paw with my computer chair. . . felt like such a heel for doing that! I didn't do it on purpose but I still felt horrible! That's one of the downsides of not seeing!!
Random thought, but I know myself well enough to know I have to say I did it. Even though it was an accident the only way for me not to run it over and over in my mind is to just say it happened. I loved him up afterward and he gave me his belly so I know he forgave me. Sis just said: "You won't lay behind her chair again will ya?"
Oh, and speaking of sis, she got me sunscreen today! I gave her the money, but she stopped at the dollar store and picked it up for me.
So that enabled me to go sit outside and not worry about getting burned up! And I almost forgot, a flying bug decided to stop by for a visit!!!! ARGH!!! I didn't scream or run though. I didn't even jump much. I just covered my ears and waited for it to go away! I'm getting better!! I'm getting better!!
Peace, Love Empathy. . .
Chelle

--
What if the one thing that I missed,
Was everything I need to pass the test,
And if I fail what happens then,
Can I still count on you as a friend
"Live to Rise"--Christopher Cornell/Soundgarden, from The Avengers Soundtrack