Monday, January 2, 2012

New Year's Day Desire!

I've been playing with the idea of writing out my new year since before November hit, but I didn't get around to it.
You know, waiting for the 'right time', thinking about HOW I was going to write it, something that really needs no consideration since it's MY diary and noone else's! Finally, I rarely keep up with this blog as it is, so there's no guarantee of anything!!
On that note though, I think I have something worked out for me to write out my New Year.
Sunday January 1st 2012
Today I'm recovering from a pretty kick-ass New Year's Eve spent with my BFF Holly!
We spent Saturday night listening to a throw back playlist she helped me create!
Tunes were varied but included:
2. NIN, "CLOSER"!!
4. RATM, "Killing In The Name Of"!
6. P.O.D, "Youth Of The Nation!
7. Smashing Pumpkins, "Bullet With Butterfly Wings, Ever Lasting Gaze and Ava Adore"!
8. Korn, "Freak On A Leash, Adidas, Make Me Bad, and Alone I Break"!
9. Marcy Playground, "Sex And Candy"!
10. The Vervepipe, "Freshmen"!
11. Linkin Park, "Crawling, In The End, Breaking The Habit!
12. Susanne Vega, "Tom's Diner"!
13. Eminem, "My Name Is"!!
14. The Spice Girls, "Say You'll Be There, Love Thang,"!!
15. Duncan Sheik, "I Am Bearly Breathing"!!
16. The Afghan Wigs, "Gentleman"!
17. Foo Fighters, "Everlong, It's You I Fell Into"!!
18. Our Lady Peace, "One Man Army, Superman"!!
19. "Fuel, "A Million Miles, Sunburn"!!
20. Live, "I Alone, Freaks"!!
21. Tupac, "I Get Around, California Love"!!
22. Biggie, "Hypnotize, Mo Money Mo Problems"
23. Snoop Dog, "Gin and Juice,"!!
24. Warren G, "Regulator"!!
25. Tool, 46 and 2, Anema, Sober and Parabol/Parabola"!!
26. APC, "Judith, Orestes, Weak and Powerless"!!
27. SOAD, "Spiders, Sugar"!
28. Disturbed, "Down With The Sickness, Shout 2000"!!
29. STP, "Interstate Love Song, Big Empty"!!
And of course, I could go on forever, so we'll just leave it at various and sundry other throwbacks to the 90's/early 2000's!!
Point is we sat around talking, making plans for the New Year and just enjoying the 'back in the day' feeling of it all!!
I must confess to feeling stunningly optomistic and I don't think it gets any better then this!!
I love being around her because she helps me get the wheels turning in my head when I seem to struggle. She helps me clean out the bullshit and get down to the nitty gritty. She doesn't necessarily focus on the 'how', she encourages me to dream and she throws out suggestions when she thinks I need them. Sometimes we disagree, I think I need them and she doesn't, but that's neither here nor there!!! Lol.
I explained to her a few weeks ago that 2012 was my year! This was it, I was finally sure it was, so I was going to throw my back into it and if by January 14th 2013 I hadn't made any progress towards my goals, huge and wide ranging as they are I was going to kill myself.
To most this may seem counter-productive, but for me it has laid the foundation for something new to occur. Reason being that I don't feel trapped anymore, don't feel like this is going to be never ending. It has an ending and because I see that it won't go on forever I feel like it leaves me open to growth, movement and change.
So we talked about said growth, movement and change last night.
I say recovering because we were up rather late and covered what I felt like was ALOT of ground. It's amazing how talking with someone helps you straighten out all the wild thoughts running around in your head!
I admit it, I ordered Hungry Howie's pepperoni sub for dinner, the one Dad swears is a heartattack waiting to happen! Lol. But other than that I was fabulous!!
We played cards and marbles, even broke out a few games we hardly ever play and when midnight came we blew whistles and set off a few fireworks!! It was totally awesome! It felt like a throwback to MTV days when MTV actually stood for something!!!
It is my Desire to stand for something. . . Funny how talking about MTV brought that thought to the forefront for me.
My intention was to post this closer to the day it was written, December 20th. It's here now though and that's all that matters!!
I will tell you all, I stayed at home and watched History 2's Armageddon Week instead. I set off lots of fireworks at 12 after calling to wish Friendis a Happy New Year and that was that.
If you appreciate my story and feel moved to do so, I am requesting donations of money to make plans like this and future plans of this nature come true for myself!!!
Thank you and happy reading!

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