Tolerance

Hurt's Jay Loren writes:
I'll take one, 'cause I needed to feel it so much
I had an emotional crutch, but
I'm feeling bored so I'll take some more
'Cause nothing is happening

And once you told me that you loved me so much
I foolishly began to trust, but
Now I'm ignored and I'm taking more, till
Something is happening.

I'll take one 'cause I needed to feel it so much
I needed that thing we call fun, but
Now I'm ignored and I'll take some more, till
something is happening

Cause once I thought you were right here with me, so
Maybe I'll take two or three
Until I believe what I have seen is really happening.

Morpheus! how could you leave me when I had need of your love?
Stop holding back!
Give me one reason to think you're decent!
When I am Alone
Don't you ever try to bring me back!

With this one I needed to feel you so much,
I Wantingly longed for your touch, but
Now I'm ignored and I'm feeling bored
'till something is happening.

Because once I thought you were right here with me, so
Maybe I should take two or three
Until I believe what I have seen is really happening

With this one I needed to feel you so much
I needed that thing we call fun, but
Now I'm ignored and I'm feeling bored till something is happening.

And once I thought you were right here with me, so
Maybe I'll take two or three
Until I believed that what I have seen is really happening.

No! No more!
God, Morpheus! Why did you leave me when I had need of your love?
No holding back now! Give me the real thing!
I've got a reason!
When I am alone, alone. . .

Don't you ever try to take me back!

I see myself here. I took a sip and then it became 2. It became 3 and
4 and 5 until the small cup was gone.
It became 2 small cups and then 1 big glass.
Now it's 2 bottles.
The cups and glasses and 1 bottle days are over.
I don't do it every day, or even every week.
From January to May it's been 3 times in Boulder and once here. That's
a considerable pick up from only on holidays. Only Christmas and
Thanksgiving. . . only Thanksgiving, Christmas and my birthday.
There's always an exception to be made.
It's like the pills I've taken. . . only when I feel this bad, only
when I miss our Dad this much. . . only when I miss my sister that
much. . .
I'm losing my ownly times and watching them slip away.
They float by on 5 muscle relaxants here and 2 bottles of Mike's there.
They breeze by old overdoses and old hanging attempts.
They race past the time I pulled out my hair and the 2 times I cut.
I watch them whoosh by and realize I'm the only one who can stop it.
I don't stop though. It's like there's this little thing inside me and
no matter how good I'm doing, it pops up occasionally just to remind
me it's there.
Miss Self-Destruct, just like Trent Reznor's Mr. Self-Destruct. I have
a self destruct button in me to and I push it every once in a while to
see what'll happen.
Can my liver take it after all the drugs it's already absorbed?
Can my body take it after all she's been through?
And my liver does. . . and my body does. . . I do.
But I'll never know why.