Thursday, April 26, 2012

An Old Letter Tracking My Progress

I noticed something this week since I've been making changes to my news habits.
A while back you and I discussed the habit we all or almost all share
of allowing ourselves to feel victimized, to play the role of the
victim etc. I noticed after a couple weeks of reading editorials from
Mother Jones and Think Progress among others, that not only do we do
it to ourselves, but if your mind is already set up/has been trained
to think that way, then reading this stuff doesn't help. For someone
who is completely objective it might work, they might be able to read
things without developing feelings about them, but I in my fragile
state of leaving victimhood seem to be super uncoordinated at it at
the moment.
What I mean is they say it's the 99% against the 1%. I can handle
that, but then all of a sudden it's not just Wallstreet victimizing
us, it's the FDA who refuses to put a ban on BPA even though they know
it leaches off canned goods and into our food. It's the Supreme Court
who may completely overturn Obamacare as their calling it. And so on.
My point is, whether it's good journalism or not, a person like me
starts overturning every rock and thinking: "Whose out to victimize us
next? What stupid idiotic fucked up thing will they come up with
So, long story short, I was talking to Holl about it tonight. After we
hung up I proceeded to unsubscribe from Mother Jones and Think
Progress. Their still on my Twitter feed but I'm considering just
bookmarking their pages and then unfollowing them. Then I can just go
check out their updates when I feel like it. Holl says it's good that
I'm noticing these things.
Of course, the sneaky part of my brain cautions me against 'avoidance'
as I'm very prone to doing. I avoided my mother until I got the
ovaries to tell her I was done for example. At the moment though I
think I'm on the right track.

As for my working out instead of doing 5 minute meditations twice a
day and thinking of how I Desire my life to be for 30 minutes a day
I've decided to do affirmations alone as noone said they were
impossible. It's just that changing the way your brain thinks is
apparently quicker/more effective. At any rate, story holds it takes
saying something approx. 1,000 times before your brain starts
believing it, so I've got two affirmations I've been using for three
"I lose weight easily and effortlessly!"
Let me tell ya, that ones a tongue twister if you get going fast with it! Lol.
"I love working out!"
I'm up to 400 times with both of them. I ought to have hit the
thousand mark by the end of the week I figure.
Holl says to make sure I put emphasis on them and don't get to the
point where their something on my calendar that I just 'mark off'.
They must be doing something because I've even gotten back on the bike
and everybody within a 100 mile radius of me knows how I feel about
that bike! Lol.

Finally I was talking to Dad Monday and I realized I was saying
something old and played out. We were in the car and we were talking
about becca and Holly having and driving vehicles. He wanted to know
if Holly would see me more often, I said only if/when she had the
time. At a later time he told me I should ask becca to take me
somewhere when I got bored. But back to the discussion in the car, he
said he wasn't surprised, he new my visits or lack there of with Holly
wouldn't change just because she'd gotten a car. But then he went on
to say how that was why he'd never rely on anyone else, how he'd never
take money from anyone or ask anyone for help, he had God and himself
and that was all he needed and he wouldn't end his life just because
things weren't going his way. What I noticed: My apparent attitude of
Holly and becca moving up in the world and me not was inaccurate. I
was saying it but not feeling it. FOR ONCE I WASN'T FEELING IT! It had
just come out because that's 'WHAT' I'm used to saying. Yikes!
I didn't comment further on the rest of his indictment. It should be
noted here, and I've been intending to write you all week, this was
the same day I was able to mail out my first letters to Congress and
have enough money left over to buy ALL the photos I needed for the
rest of my letters!!! So I mailed out 49 letters and got 195 photos! I
put all the photos in their envelopes and I've got one box of
envelopes sealed and ready to mail out in May when I get my next
check!! I'm crossing my fingers and hoping I can mail out all 195 of
them, but I still need to buy that book with all the mailing addresses
for the rock bands! So we'll see how things go.

Also before I forget, can we discuss getting a donation button up on
my website? I know we semidiscussed it, but I'm not sure what the
difficulty level might be and not sure what the cost is.

I dipped into sweets again this weekend even though Dad is keeping
them in his room for me. I was pissed off that he and rebecca were
going out after the girls left and it was either punching out the
computer again or eating to make the feeling go away so I ate. I was
on my second oatmeal cream pie when I thought: "This doesn't even
taste good. I don't even want it." Of course I ate it and a cupcake
and two honeybuns anyway. Then I got KFC with a chocolate parfette for
dinner. Again Holl says at least I'm noticing these things. She says
noticing is half the battle. What my generous friend DOES NOT say is
that NOT EATING the stuff is the OTHER HALF of the battle! Lol. My
temper seems to have been pretty even since Monday so at least that's
a great sign!! My computer even acted up a bit and I calmly shut it
down and walked away for a bit. I'm not sure how long this will last,
I've controlled my temper before, in fact, if you wanna get technical
I do it all the time by not destroying someone when they say something
that enrages me or when they won't take me somewhere, but
nevertheless, a plus is a plus no matter how long it lasts!!

And last but certainly not least, a report from the government itself
that once and for all proves that I was right about being a part of
some state run agency for blindness or even part of the nfb agencies.
I could be really screwed based on this report *in the way of getting
a job*, but for the moment I'm looking at it in a purely I'M RIGHT
stance and ignoring that part. Lol.
I know this is alot but if you have any thoughts on anything I'll take 'em!!
Talk later tonight!

Press Release:

Report Finds Federal Dollars Used to Segregate and Exploit Workers with

For Immediate Release

Contact: David Card
202.408.9514 x122

WASHINGTON - In a report released today, the National Disability Rights
Network (NDRN) outlined how federal funding is being used to shuttle people
with disabilities into sheltered workshops and deprive them of meaningful
employment opportunities.

"There is a total disconnect between what governments say they want to
accomplish in terms of employment for people with disabilities and how they
are actually spending taxpayer dollars," said Curt Decker, NDRN executive

The report, Beyond Segregated and Exploited is a follow up to a report
released last year that examined the issue of segregating working people
with disabilities in sheltered workshops and the use of the subminimum wage
to exploit their disability for the financial gain of employers. The new
report is an update on progress to end those practices and move toward a
system that encourages integrated employment options that pay competitive

This report also provides additional insight into the complex and confusing
system that pumps millions of dollars into sheltered work despite good
national public policy meant to encourage integration and competitive
employment. The report follows money designated to be spent on integrated
employment as it winds its way from the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid
Services (CMS) and the Rehabilitation Services Administration (RSA) to the
states, state agencies, and finally into sheltered workshops.

"Admirably the message we hear from federal agencies is about the importance
of integrated employment," continued Decker. "Yet the majority of the money
allocated for this purpose actually ends up being spent in facilities that
segregate people with disabilities and isolates them from their communities.

"Worse, our investigations over the past year concluded most of these
facilities do not teach marketable skills or prepare workers for any type of
meaningful work outside of the sheltered workshop. Instead, they trap
workers in endless 'training' programs that pay little if anything, leaving
the 'trainee' impoverished."

The report calls for:

* Ending segregated employment and the subminimum wage by restricting
all federal and state money that is spent on employers who segregate
employees with disabilities from the general workforce.
* Strengthening current and create new tax incentives for employers to
hire people with disabilities in integrated workplaces at comparable wages.
* Increasing labor protections and enforcement of existing law.

The report, found at, is called Beyond Segregated and
Exploited: Update on the Employment of People with Disabilities and can be
found on-line at:

# # #

The National Disability Rights Network (NDRN) is the nonprofit membership
organization for the federally mandated Protection and Advocacy (P&A)
Systems and the Client Assistance Programs (CAP) for individuals with
disabilities. Collectively, the Network is the largest provider of legally
based advocacy services to people with disabilities in the United States.

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message. Copy and paste the entire URL into your browser)

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