Sunday, July 8, 2012

Making New Memories

Fri, Jul 9, 2010 at 11:10 PM

I've finally begun to make new memories, after 5 years. Maybe it's
because my mother is leaving (a whole other blog post), maybe it's
opening a new chapter with my life in the form of having a coach soon,
maybe it's because I'm using my cane when we go out in public, maybe
it's all of the above, maybe it's none of the above.
At any rate, my whole day was good, but my night was the best.
We went to the store today & instead of "waiting to lose weight" I
found a dress I liked & spent $30, on myself. Dad said the dress would
look even better "once you lose this!" as he grabbed my stomach, & it
hurt, but only for a little while. I realized in that moment, as much
as I care about his opinion, I could take every word he said
literally, be hurt & crushed by them & not get the dress. Or, I could
just agree with him, & also say: "Well, I need to lose it, but for
this moment, I like this dress, I like the way it fits & feels, & I'm
going to buy it. I'm not going to wait until I 'Lose this'."
Mom liked the way it looked on me & so did Cymmy & Bella.
Afterward we went to Little Cesars for lunch & Mom & I were talking
about his reaction in the bathroom. She said 'You know what his
problem is. He wants everybody to be like him & you aren't. You like
what you like & you bought it because you really liked it. It looks
good on you. We just had this discussion about what I would wear to
the wedding tomorrow night.'
That's why we were at Fashion Bug to begin with, for her. Dad doesn't
like certain colors on her & even though she's only 6 years older then
me, she's very old-fashioned in her beliefs. The man should make the
decisions, the woman should follow his lead 'most of the time'. I, AM.
COMPLETELY. DIFFERENT! Lol. & really, he raised me that way himself.
He always taught me not to take crap, from anybody. Males included. I
do what I want, when I want, how I want & if he doesn't like it, then
I don't need him in my life. We can do things together, do things
separate & still be in love. So it's funny to me that he married
someone like her. I guess now he's getting a taste of what mom went
through with him. She put him through hell, but he used to be the one
who didn't like to make decisions, who didn't want to take us girls
anywhere if she wouldn't go with us. & now, that's how Mom is.
Anyway, we had lunch, took her to work, then went to the mall. Man,
malls are bad!! Bad, bad, bad! Lol. I bought a nightgown & tanktop
with a built in bra, both things I NEEDED. However, then we ended up
at Bath & Beyond!! A couple of years ago we were in there. I found
this perfume I liked, but I wouldn't buy it for myself because it was
to expensive & I wasn't worth that.
It was $22!! He said he would buy it but I said no. So he said 'I'll
pay half then. Pick it up & take it to the counter, you're getting
it!' Lol. So I took it to the counter & got it.
Ever since then, I don't go in there often, but when I do I almost
always walk out with something! Lol. On the upside, I don't use the
lotion everyday. In fact, I've got 8-10 bottles sitting here now,
because I use them sparingly. & the two perfumes I got, one of which
is the one Dad helped me buy, are still here. I wear the one he helped
me buy whenever I go see E cuz he loves it! Lol.
I keep digressing though. So I walked out of the mall having spent
close to $50 & with Fashion Bug added in about $70.
I had actually managed to save some money from last month miracle of
miracles! Otherwise, I wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't have been
able to. & instead of dwelling on how much I spent or Dad's comment
about my weight, or the pizza I ate that I didn't need, I was just
Then we came home & this evening at about 9 after Mom got home from
work, we finally went outside & did our fireworks! It was to hot all
week to do them. We've had the air on since Monday & yesterday it got
up to 103. Go figure that it was 93 in San Antonio! How different is
that??? Lol.
Just Cymmy, Bella & I were out there, but it felt different. As I
said, finally making new memories. I'll never like this house. I'll
never be "thrilled" to live here, but being out there with them was
fun, even after I got eaten by mosquitoes!
We did our poppers that you throw on the cement & they pop. We pulled
the strings & shot confetti at each other from some other type of
firework (can't remember what their called), the girls broke apart
another one & rolled it under their feet till it cracked & showed up
like the fireworks displays do. & finally we had the little ones that
they have a string coming out of each end & you pull them & they snap.
Usually their in bed by 9, so they were already up past their bedtime,
but when we got done it was to nice to go inside, so we ran into the
backyard & they caught fireflies. I couldn't catch any, but they kept
giving the ones they caught to me & then I attracted even more for
whatever reason! Lol. They were on my skin & in my hair. It reminded
me of the butterfly exhibit I went to in school once.
My Braille teacher used to call me 'Madame Butterfly' & when we went
there, these butterflies just started landing on me! On my hands, my
arms, on my shirt & in my hair. At that moment I wished I could fly
away with them! Lol.
We played London Bridge is Falling Down, I'd never played that game
before. I've played Red Rover, Duck Duck Goose, Ring Around the
Rosies, & rock paper scissors on occasion, but never that one. So I
learned a new game. They kept doing handstands & yelling at each
"Count!" "Hold my feet!"
Cymmy actually fell & smacked her head on my arm. I was standing to
close to them apparently. They both started laughing & I said 'I think
you broke something vital!'
Lol. Things will never be 'what they were', but maybe they can be
better, then what they were, or might have been.
Optimistically yours,

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