ORIGINAL EMAIL TO MYSELF ON OR NEAR
Sat, Aug 14, 2010 at 9:37 AM
I can take back my power with the words I speak. I can also relinquish
my power with the words I speak.
I'm thinking of Disturbs tours they used to put together "Music as a
Weapon" My words can also be weapons. "Words as Weapons", it's all in
what I say and how I say it.
I'm diving for myself. I am not a hopeless cause, a failure, a wreck.
I've had surface beliefs for to many years that have led me to believe
I was a lost cause, hopeless etc, but I AM NOT!
I'm trying to write this immediately after and yet I still feel like
I'm losing sight of something.
I lost track of my goal, which was to be flexible in my body. I also
wanted to be flexible in my mind, and I lost sight of both of those
things, as well as getting them tangled up together. My goal in being
flexible in my body was moving, not being in pain. I decided the
Treadmill was the only way to get that flexibility and cut when I
didn't get it. It was actually a manefestation of things much deeper,
if I can't do this small thing, how will I do these much bigger
things? It was however, also a surface thought, translated into a
severe tantrum, if I can't get it this way then i won't get it anyway,
so there's no hope!
Truth be told, I can dance. I can walk. I was writing I "could",
pushing things back. Now I've rephrased it as "I Can" meaning, I can
do it NOW! Or tomorrow, or the next day, but I CAN do it now. It's not
something I have to wait for. And now President Obama's "Yes We Can"
slogan is in my head! Lol. Hey, if it works for me, I'm using it!
I've also discovered I need to distinguish between my inner wisdom,
and the critic. The critic says I can't do it. The inner wisdom says:
"I can't do it this way, so how can I do it differently? I can't do it
now, so when can I do it?"
And now I'm back to the Treadmill. If we're moving in a few months, is
it worth it for me to get one now? How will I transport it to San
Antonio? If I intend to fly, and I do fly, how will my parents
transport it? So the critic says I cut for nothing. I say it happened
for a reason. The goal next time, is to learn what I need to learn
without going to such an extreme, to not fall back on old habits that
don't serve me anymore.
Machine Shop Flint MI Concert Venue = best damned concert venue in the woooorld!
Thursday 9/2/10: SEETHER will be there!
Saturday 9/11/10: NONPOINT will be there!
& last but certainly not least,
Friday 9/24/10: Ed K frontman for the band Live will be there!