Saturday, December 15, 2012

December 5 – Let Go.

What (or whom) did you let go of in 2013? Why?

Hm. . . I've let go of forgiveness this year. What I mean is, I've let
go of trying to force myself into it, or alternately, trying to tell
myself ALL the reasons why I "shouldn't" forgive.
Why? Because like tons of other things in our lives that we want
control over, it was becoming all consumming for me. I can't forgive
because this person doesn't deserve it! Or I should forgive, but I
can't, so now I feel guilty and now I wonder if someone will not
forgive me because I couldn't. . . all this stuff about being a kid
again and oh, now I'm in trouble with somebody because I didn't
forgive, or I'm a BAD girl! Or I must control, time, place, whether or
not their deserving, if I get an apology. . . and all this other
bullshit that comes with it! Lol.
So I've let go of forgiving and when I wake up I've just been
discovering that things are melting away. Their like band-aids or
scabs, if I leave them alone eventually they come off by themselves
and I'm healed!! I'm healed for myself, and forgiveness or lack there
of has no power over me.
It's been quite an interesting journey over the past year, but one I
wouldn't trade for anything.
And yes, there has been a payoff, because as forgiveness has been
"happening", I've been getting things in return. Mood boosts, new
close friends, my Pregnancy, lovers, new opportunities. . . I feel
open and unblocked, relaxed and ecstatic about my life!!
It's been wonderful!!

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