Monday, December 10, 2012

#Reverb10 Wed. 12/29/10 - Defining Moment COMING HOME!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Michelle Medina <>
Date: Thu, 30 Dec 2010 01:37:06 -0500
Subject: #Reverb10 Wed. 12/29/10 - Defining Moment COMING HOME!
To: michellem86 <>

December 29:
Defining moment.
Describe a defining moment or series of events that
has affected your life this year.

I've already written about these too much! Lol. I can only come up
with so many life altering events in 2010 you know! I suppose it would
be standing up for myself in a big but difficult way. In 2009 a chain
of events was set in motion, I was responsible for setting them, that
lead to me going to louisiana January 19th of this year. I went to the
school for the blind & a fundraiser was held for me that helped me get
there & also bought this computer & other things to make my being down
there more comfortable. However, I came home on Tuesday March 31st &
never looked back. My 'friend' was very angry that I'd come home, she
felt like I'd taken advantage of her kindness & generosity in holding
the fundraiser for me. She said she would "never help with another
fundraiser again.". I went there to work on cooking, cleaning &
travelling. I was sincerely hoping it would help get me to 'that next
step' in life, whatever that was. However, it was clear not long after
I got there, that that wasn't what I had needed. I had left home for
the wrong reasons *that being one of them & running being another*, &
now was paying the price. It got so bad I considered using the lovely
new set of butcher knives in the kitchen to slit my wrists & be done
with it. I stuck it out through Febuary & until the end of March when
Easter break came, then boarded the plane home & never looked back.
That was a defining moment for me because I have tended to feel
obligated to people, but never to myself. I finally got the guts to
stand up for & defend myself. I got up the nerve to listen to my body
& not my guilt ridden mind & I made the decision that was right for me
& a decision that literally saved my life. If I had forced myself to
stay, I wouldn't be here writing my year end, month long wrap up, or
talking about my 'future', because there would have been no future to
speak of. All the 'was it right or wrong', has been thrown out the
window, & though I do respect & have empathy for my former friend's
feelings, I also know that I did what was best for me & it's a
decision I can continuously stand by & say was the right & correct one
for me. *Former friend because she wanted it that way, not because I
wanted it that way*.

"Something in the way. . .
Hmmm. . .
Something in the way. . .
Hmmmm. . ."
--Kurt Cobain "Something In The Way"
"Pain? You don't know what pain is!!"--Author Unknown

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