Sunday, December 9, 2012

Day 19's Challenge:

Dear Michelle, So this is what we're supposed eeto do today! As The Challenge winds down, write a thank you note to yourself. Thank yourself for taking the time to stop and focus on all the little things for which you feel grateful. Its pretty interesting to see where we've been over the past 19 days, in fact, it's hard to believe the challenge is almost over! You absolutely amaze me with your ability to grab life by the horns & ride lately! You've complimented us, complimented our body & thanked Her for what She does for us. You've even started calling our body Her, giving her a sense of belonging, of identity, of Herself instead of 'it'. You've looked our fear right in the eye & even been greatful for it! How many times have we done that in the past?? Along with the GC itself, you've been talking about sex, really talking about it. The Virgin Sex Chronicles anyone!!???? You've discussed being Bisexual, admitted we don't like our families & that Rebecca isn't the Mother Figure we were looking for. Family & Gratitude parts I & II. You've been talking with a male pornstar about sex, something you've never done, not to mention decided a long time ago you 'probably' wouldn't do. You've been working on using should less *& correctly*, & taken on the 'Changing 'can't to 'Won't' in order to take back our power! You've complimented us, & really started admitting what we love about our body. You've been working on changing our friendship with our BFF, trying to acknowledge & support her the way she tries to support us. You finally read Lissa's Erotic Creature post last night. You were avoiding it purposely, seeming to have some intuitive sense that it would make us cry & it did! You felt that hunger last night, that longing to be Lissa, or rather, to have been with her & to have found your own Erotic Creature! You wanted to stomp & yell & ask why the hell we were just now finding out that we had been robbed of yet one more thing! More importantly though, was that longing, so deep & oppressing we could feel it ache in our soul, in our spirit. You made a mental note with the small part of our brain that wasn't taken over that yes, we would go there! We would find our EC!! Maybe not today or tomorrow, but in the near future! You've done so much confessing & acknowledging & opening up, not just when we started the 21 Day Gratitude Challenge, but before that, for the past few months. You've worked so hard on our behalf, pulled down so many barriers & pulled up so much pain that we buried. You discussed what it was like to be held down on the operating table Confession Originally Posted at Micleft. You've dug into relationships with Dad & mom & Rebecca in coaching sessions with Amy & Kimberly. You've reached out & connected with so many women, posted so many supportive comments & been working on lifestyle changes like eating more healthily. You've been getting up & dancing when a song comes on that we like & been willing to blare it! You've been coaxing Sadie out from under the bed to dance with us, holding her tight against your heart, kissing & singing to her gently, reassuring her that she doesn't have to be afraid of every loud noise she hears, sometimes loud is good! You've been more willing to admit our humanity, that we need help & we won't do it all alone because its impossible! You've even listened to some hard truths, we're leaning on certain people too much & we need to start looking inward & elsewhere, we've played the victim *which completely knocks out the idea of being perfect that we had*, & we haven't really dealt with the trauma of mom's abandonment like we thought we had. Those are some large, very painful pills to swallow. Their the kind of pills that even in our new life make us wish we had some hard something or other to wash them down with, nevermind the fact we hardly ever drink! Let alone drink to get drunk! You've also been a bit more willing to feel our pain even when people are around. You still wish we had a place of our own, if only temporarily to start letting it all out, but you do allow us to let out bits & pieces of the pain in fits & starts. You've been grabbing inspiration where ever it comes from, writing more, shedding our old skin more then I ever thought was possible. Good work girlfriend!!!!! From me to you, a huge hug & a big round of applause! Keep breaking down those walls, keep opening up to friendship, keep recognizing the good in others! Keep speaking our truth, keep walking with your head held high & that smile on your face! Drop the guilt, cry more *when we need to* don't hold back! We will have that baby, that partner, that life we want! We'll have it all if we want it badly enough! I'm here for you, I'm holding your hand & I WON'T let you give up! Even more importantly, it's okay to be human, to make mistakes, & even to fall down. Your safe now! I will hold you, I will take care of you & I WON'T let you down! Love, Michelle

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