Sunday, December 9, 2012

As is usually true, it's hard to notice the changes taking place until I'm far away enough that I can 'look back'. Having said that, what I notice thus far about myself is two-fold. Firstly, the Gratitude Challenge has forced me to look at the 'happy side' of life. Instead of dwelling on negativity, or what I don't have, it's definitely pushed me in the opposite direction. Secondly, it's a definite push/pull process! Lol. Because I'm in the middle of my GC, but also learning to confront different things, especially the pain I feel around my surgeries & my birth, there's a rather interesting dynamic going on. In one sense I'm very greatful. In another sense, I'm very ungreatful, angry, going through alot of emotional pain & the like. So the complete difference between being greatful & not greatful, & the complete push/pull that I feel are very different from each other. It's a huge thing for me to learn that feelings/emotions can coexist with one another as well. When I call Amy, I can be happy & sad at the same time & I don't have to 'buck up' or 'get happy' so we can have a session. My feelings can simply exist side by side & I can simply be. I don't have to "Fake It" to get through a session. I also don't have to hide my humanity under this solid rock wall of nonemotion & take a tough stance or a stance of not acknowledging/feeling my pain. So all in all, I'm learning & changing with the GC!! Love it! Chelle

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