Sunday, December 9, 2012
Day 16 of the Gratitude Challenge: 5Day 16 of the Gratitude Challenge: 5 Things I Love About Me!
Day 16 of the Gratitude Challenge: 5 Things I Love About Me! Trash Michelle Medina
Mon, Nov 22, 2010 at 11:53 PM
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Don't know why I've done this to myself! It's after 11PM here & I'm
exhausted, but I shall get thee to PP & type up today's GC first!!!
Stand in front of the mirror for five minutes and focus on at least
five things that you love about yourself. Write
them down in your journal.
Today's challenge was an interesting one. As a blind person, I stand
in front of the mirror to brush my teeth & the like, but I don't stand
there 'intentionally'. It's just that the mirror is 'there' over the
sink so that's where I stand to brush my teeth, or rinse out my glass
or wash my hands. . . You get the idea.
Today I stood there, with intention, for what actually turned out to
be about 6 minutes because I couldn't get the timing right! Blasted
alarm clock! Lol.
Here's what came up for me.
1. My hair. I'm greatful for my hair, for its texture, the softness of
it, the smell of it when I get out of the shower. I love that whether
I put it up or leave it down, when I'm headbanging along to one of my
favorite songs it bounces with me. Sometimes it flies & whips around
me like I'm in the wind, other times it sways very gently & caresses
my shoulders, moves around me sensually.
I'm a hair freak, what can I say? It came up before you might
remember, but that's just how it is. I'm USUALLY hard pressed to come
up with 5 things I like about myself, but I always have at least 1
thing, & that's my hair.
2. I'm greatful for my singing voice! I love to sing & used to be in
choir, so I'm doubly greatful that with my cleft palate I can still
pull off singing & not sound like I do when I speak. People can
understand me when I sing & not only can I carry a tune, but I can
carry the emotion of the song. I can make other people feel the
rage/anguish/happiness of the singer who wrote it & the emotions I get
from singing along with them.
3. I'm greatful for my body. The way she moves, her versittility, her
ability to overcome traumatic experiences & heal from them.
This last bit is pretty much all linked together, & doesn't have to do
with my body as much as it has to do with myself, as a whole. My mind
For anyone who reads my blogs *has been reading them* from the
beginning, you might remember that I posted about a fear of public
service announcements. I stated that my fear was so powerful, that the
person doing the public service announcement, became the thing they
were speaking out about. A man discussing the AID's virus & why you
shouldn't have unprotected sex morphed into the virus. Alternately, in
a PSA with a car crash, I could feel myself in that car, feel the
impact of the crash & people banging into me, the blood running down
my face, the broken glass cutting my skin, etc.
As I was standing in front of the mirror, in the silence *or, at least
as silent as it could be with both of my sisters home from school due
to sickness & surgery recovery* I felt the fear coming back. I'm not
sure why it came back, I had the water in the tub on to combat any
noises that might be going on in the other room, & to keep the girls
from hearing me talk out loud. For whatever reason though, it decided
to make an appearance. So instead of hurrying up & switching the tape
player on *I was going to take a bath after the exercise*, I stuck
4. I am greatful for my fear. I am greatful for the opportunity to
look it in the eye & take back my power! I am greatful for the ability
to challenge this fear & put it in its proper place!
I'm mildly annoyed that its still here, sitting on the keyboard
staring at me as I type this *apparently it would like to have another
round*, but I'm typing through it & still staring it in the face!
5. I am greatful for the freedom to be who I am, to think my own
thoughts, say what I think & stand firm in my convictions.
This one can be tough at times! I've been called for jury duty. We
filled out the ap & sent it in. My stepmom explained about my visual
impairment & they promptly wrote back thanking me for my prompt reply
& stating that if I wanted to opt out of duty I'd need to send in a
doctor's note. I called the jury specialist & told her I didn't want
to opt out, I just wanted to know if they provided transportation.
Guess what? They don't! Once again they've managed to duck out of the
ADA! That's for another post though. I hung up & wrote to the
blindtalk mailing list to get advice. They said 'give it up' *since I
don't have the money to pay out of pocket for 30 miles each way & they
only pay $20 for the day & a stipent for gas mileage*. This from a
mailinglist whose part of the NFB??? Again, another story for another
post! Lol. While I was waiting for their responses though, I sat in my
room thinking about it. The night we got the questionaire & filled it
out, Dad said: 'Their screwed if they get you on a jury! If you think
the dude's guilty, you'll want to fry his ass & there'll be no swaying
your vote just so they can go home! *Lol*!'
He may have been joking, but I realized as I was sitting here that he
was absolutely right. Being on a jury is serious business. Ovbiously
there are some cases that would be viewed as more important then
others, death penalty cases for example, but either way, my Dad was
right. When on a jury, you aren't just determining guilt or innocence,
your dealing with a person's life. If found guilty they could spend
the rest of their lives in jail, or even if they get out on parole,
they could be ostracized for the rest of their lives, unable to get a
job or housing. Alternately, in states with the death penalty, you
could be sentencing a person to death for a crime they didn't commit,
or letting someone off the hook for a crime they did commit. Needless
to say I got a hold of my former lawyer Pat, who had brought the case
against my school for willful neglegence when I'd been punched, kicked
& spit on as a girl. He said he'd talk with the jury specialist & get
back with me. I'm still waiting for his answer, but whether it works
out in the end or not, at least I won't sit here feeling like I didn't
try to fulfill my duty as a citizen of the world.
I'm discovering lately, a willingness to speak out on many things,
some of which I didn't even realize I was willing to speak out on.
I've had a need to help the bullied & abused, the disabled &
disfigured forever, but as of late I've brought up what it's like to
be a disabled virgin *there's talk of doing a study on the sex lives
of disabled persons now*, & this issue with being a jurror, 2 things I
hadn't given a whole lot of thought to. Where they'll lead I don't
know, but I'm becoming more vocal without even trying or having to put
an intention behind it.
Looks like I'm on a role, where I'll stop nobody knows! Lol!
"Something in the way. . .
Hmmm. . .
Something in the way. . .
Hmmmm. . ."
--Kurt Cobain "Something In The Way"
"Pain? You don't know what pain is!!"--Author Unknown